I've been having some problems with Blogger.

First, my permalinks don't seem to be working. Now, I notice my blogroll is totally whacked. More than half of the blogs I've added in the last several weeks have completely disappeared.

I'll rebuild the blogroll on my template as soon as I get a chance.

Don't worry if you notice your site is missing from my blogroll. I didn't do it. But, I will fix it.

Thanks for your patience.

UPDATE: Okay, I think I have my blogroll rebuilt. If you were on there before and I've missed you somehow, please send me an e-mail and I'll get it back on there. Thanks.

posted by Dash | 12:12 PM | |

Every day we hear about people in Iraq being murdered by "insurgents." Maybe some of you smart people out there can help me understand this.

What is an insurgent? I'm confused.

I looked it up and I'm still confused. Hyperdictionary.com says:

Pronunciation:

in'surjunt

Definition:

[n] a member of an irregular armed force that fights a stronger force by sabotage and harassment
[n] a person who takes part in an armed rebellion against the constituted authority (especially in the hope of improving conditions)
[adj] in opposition to a civil authority or government

Okay, we know most of the terrorists we are fighting in Iraq are coming from other countries who either don't want democracy to become established in an Arab country or are trying to take advantage of the fact that Saddam is gone, and want to take over the country for themselves. I'm sure there are a lot more reasons why these people are murdering our guys along with the Iraqis who want democracy.

Regardless, how can you be an "insurgent" in someone else's country? Why does our media continue to call these murderers "insurgents?"

Synonyms:

disloyal, freedom fighter, guerilla, guerrilla, insurrectionist, irregular, rebel, seditious, subversive

Are these people freedom fighters? Are they rebels? How can they call themselves part of a rebellion when they kill indiscriminately?

From what I can see, they can only be called one thing. TERRORISTS.

They're not just a threat to our people and the Iraqis who are trying to make their country a better place. They're a threat to anyone in the world who wants to live free and they need to be eradicated just like a virulent febrile disease.

posted by Dash | 10:13 AM | |

I knew there was a good reason why I've been able to stay in good shape even though I've not been able to go to the gym in a while. Apparently, there isn't really any need to go sweat it out for hours, making sure to get that old heart rate up, etc.

All I have to do is look at boobies.

But, don't take my word for it. This site has the scientific proof.

Staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals. Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women's breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.

At my increasing age, I'm all about finding new ways to lower blood pressure and decrease heart disease. This one sounds like the best I've heard yet.

So, ladies, if I seem to be preoccupied with staring at your puppies instead of your eyes, I'm just trying to get in my daily workout. I'm sure you wouldn't want to deprive me of my health.

Thanks for understanding.

posted by Dash | 7:20 PM | |

Spring is around the corner and baseball has started up down here. Actually, it really never gets too cold here to stop playing baseball. I have friends whose sons play in select leagues practically year round. I think they take off a couple of months during the winter to play a little football; but, that's just for a short break from baseball.

What I'm actually talking about is college baseball. My team is off to another good start being ranked number 2 in both polls. Luckily, since I've been a real college baseball fan, my team has been a contender.

We won five national championships over a 10 year stretch of the '90's, and went to the College World Series in Omaha something like 14 times in a row. That's a pretty good track record.

The coach we had back then is now the Athletic Director and one of his assistant coaches has taken the reins. We'll see how they do through this season. Geaux Tigers!

What I really wanted to talk about today is a line in a movie that is consistently misquoted. What got me thinking about it was something Acidman always says about blogging. He says, "write it, and they will come." I happen to believe that assertion, by the way.

In the movie Field of Dreams, there is a line that starts out, " If you build it..." How many of you can finish that line?

If you were like me, you said, "they will come." Unfortunately, like me, you would be wrong.

The line is actually, "If you build it, he will come." The voice in the cornfield doesn't tell Kevin Costner to build a baseball field over his crops so people will come from all over and give him money.

In the last few minutes of the movie, Costner discovers that the purpose of his entire journey was so he could play catch with his deceased father. In the end of the movie we see that people do come over to give him money so he won't lose the farm. But, he built the ball field so He would come, not so They would come.

It's easy to see why people would misquote that line. In the movie, Costner's daughter does say that people will come and that launches James Earl Jones into a very eloquent speech about baseball in which he says several times, "people will come."

But when he sees his dad, Costner says, "If you build it, he will come."

I'm not a huge Costner fan, but I did like some of his sports movies. Other good ones that come to mind are Bull Durham and Tin Cup.

My favorite quote is from Bull Durham when Costner declares what he believes in.

"Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curveball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional ammendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than on Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

Thanks to Junebugg for the quote.

If you're a sports fan like me, check them out. And remember, if you build it, they will come, er... something like that.

posted by Dash | 11:05 AM | |

It's the age old battle. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. The "Battle of the Sexes." Yada, yada, yada.

If you don't know there are major emotional, philosophical, not to mention physical differences by now... God help you. The first step is admitting there are these differences. The second is accepting them and appreciating them. How boring it would be if there weren't at least some differences.

I've been reading a lot about it lately.

First, Feisty Christina started up with discussions about what guys and gals think make you sexy. There's been talk about lingerie by the sisterhood including Christina, Sadie, etc. Even Zonker got in on the action with that subject. (Sometimes I worry about that boy.) Eric and Maximum Leader had very nice posts on the subject, as well.

Now, Acidman is posting a series of stories from his readers about the trials and tribulations of the gender differences. Go read them all.

Before this turns into a total linkfest, let me give you my take on the differences by giving you a typical scenario between a woman and her man.

I hope this clears things up once and for all.


HER STORY:
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but could tell there was something wrong.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do?

What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else?

I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no.

But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I loved him, and he just put his arm around me! I didn't know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn't say it back or anything.

We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me! Why didn't he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it, but he just switched on the TV.

Why would he rather watch TV than talk to me? Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep, hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk.

I was so hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going through emotional turmoil. After about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared an intimate experience like that, but he still seemed really distracted.

So afterwards I just wanted to leave because I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep. He didn't even notice how upset I was! I don't know, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm on emotional overload. I'm so confused. I don't think he loves me anymore.

Why does he have to play these mind games with me? I mean, do you think he's met someone else? Is he going to leave me? I just don't know what to think or do at this point.


HIS SIDE OF THE STORY:
Played like total shit today - shot a fucking 95 - can't putt to save my damn life - lost $12.00 to those hackers. Felt kinda tired tonight. Got laid, though.

There you have it. The difference has never been more clear.

posted by Dash | 9:33 AM | |

My friend Jim at Parkway Rest Stop has a good one about a couple of guys from out of state who get pulled over by a Texas State Trooper.

Since I've lived in Texas for nearly 20 years, I can appreciate the joke.

It reminded me of another one along the same lines.

A fella got pulled over one evening while driving home from the local pub. He had imbibed a bit of liquid courage and was feeling pretty frisky.

When the officer approached his window he asked, "Why in the Hell did you pull me over? I wasn't speeding. I don't have any lights out. What's your freakin' problem?"

The policeman quietly replied, "You went through that stop sign back there and didn't actually Stop."

The driver said, "Oh man, give me a break. I SLOWED DOWN! What's the damn difference? You're just being a hard ass."

About that time, the policeman opened the door, pulled the guy out, and proceeded to beat on him mercilessly with his nightstick.

The driver, while trying to fend off the blows, started screaming, "STOP, STOP, for God's sake, dammit... STOP!!!!"

The officer then said, "Okay, do you want me to stop...

... or slow down?"

posted by Dash | 6:50 PM | |

No, I didn't see a new rifle I wanted to buy. Well, actually I did, but that's not what I mean by rifle sighting.

I mentioned a while back that Cabela's is building a new store near me. I've been buying from Cabela's by catalog and online for a long time now and I get e-mails from them telling me about sales that are coming up, etc. I have to admit, it's a great marketing tool.

Today I got one from them that said "On Target with Great Shooting Supplies." Usually, I just take a quick glance through the stuff they're peddling that week and don't give it a second thought, unless I see something I've been wanting.

What interested me today was a little write-up that was included called, "Cabela's Guidebook Story."

For a couple of years after I graduated from college, I worked as the head rangemaster of a Seattle shooting range. It was a good experience; I got to test a lot of rifles, work up a lot of loads and learn a little bit about outdoor people. The first two lessons I expected, but the last was an eye opener. I figured everyone knew the basics of sighting in; how wrong I was.

Most of you who shoot regularly already know all the stuff this guy discusses in his story, but I thought it was a good one. Anybody who shoots or wants to shoot at a rifle range should read this.

Unless you're Kim du Toit, you'll garner a good bit of useful information. It's always amazing to me how many deer hunters don't really know how to sight in a rifle.

Obviously this little "field guide" is a sales pitch to tell you to buy their shooting benches, rests, etc. But, if you can wade through that, you'll benefit from the subject matter.

Go check it out.

posted by Dash | 9:45 AM | |

When I was in college, one of the few courses I took that I actually liked was economics. I liked the subject because it made sense to me.

Define economics in three words - Supply and Demand.

It's pretty simple really. Market prices are derived by the equilibrium between the supply and demand of whatever the goods or services are. When a willing buyer and a willing seller agree on a price, that's equilibrium. Anytime the government starts meddling with this natural phenomenon in an ostensibly free market, bad things happen.

When the government decides market prices are too high, the first reaction is to apply price restrictions. After all, those evil corporations shouldn't be allowed to profit while so many consumers go without. That's just not fair. Right?

You'd think by now, everyone would agree that price controls produce three things.
1. Shortages
2. Deterioration in Quality
3. Black Markets

Why do price controls produce shortages? Well, there are two major reasons.

First, is producers will not supply as much at an artificially low price as they would normally. Why should they? If they know they're not going to get a fair price for their product, it doesn't make any sense for them to produce a lot of that product. If the prices are lower than what it would take for them to cover their costs, it doesn't really make any sense for them to produce at all. Why would any business want to operate at a loss?

Second, on the demand side, consumers will purchase more goods and services at an artificially low price than they normally would. The mentality is to get it while the getting's good. Think about it. If TV's cost half as much as they normally would, you'd have one in every room, whether you needed them or not.

Given these two reactions, it's not hard to see how a shortage could occur. As I've said before, this ain't rocket surgery.

Let's look at some examples. Many of us remember the gas shortages of the '70's. Remember the long lines at the gas pumps? People were panicked. They didn't know when they were going to be able to get gas or how much they would be able to get. There was rationing which was a bad deal. I remember sitting in line for hours sometimes to get gas.

This was a result of price controls imposed on oil. When Reagan lifted the price controls, the shortages just magically went away. Voila! How many of us realized the shortages were caused by price controls? With free market prices, oil companies were able to justify spending more money on research, development, exploration and production of oil. Shortages went away and prices came down.

Are any of you familiar with rent controls? When landlords are forced to hold rents down below market rates to accommodate low income renters, they will be less inclined to build more apartment buildings. Therefore, a shortage will occur.

Also, when there are more people searching for apartments than there are apartments available, the landlords aren't going to be too concerned with keeping the buildings in top shape. Besides, they're not making enough money from rent to be able to do a lot of maintenance and improvements. This is an example of quality deterioration.

When there were no rent controls, landlords had to spend money to maintain their buildings to be able to compete for tenants. When they were making a profit, they were interested in building more apartments, too. More apartments means higher supply which ultimately means lower rents.

All this discussion about the ills of price controls brings me to the current subject of drug prices. The politicians are at it again saying drug prices are too high. They say the evil drug companies are getting filthy rich while people can't afford to buy the drugs they need. They're pushing for price controls on drugs.

Once again, this is a bad idea. To understand why this is a bad idea, let's first look at the cost structure of pharmaceutical companies.

The cost of research and development for most new drugs is astronomical and can easily run into hundreds of millions of dollars. In other words, it takes a serious investment to be able to discover and develop new drugs.

If companies know going in that they will not be able to charge a price sufficient to recover those fixed costs, they simply will not make the investment. This would result in new drugs not being developed which would be a bad thing for everyone.

If drug companies were allowed to charge sufficient prices, ultimately more new drugs would become available and the prices would come down naturally because more companies would be competing for those dollars.

My last example of the effects of price controls is one from history. In post World War II Germany, in an effort to stabilize the economy, Allied officials imposed strict price controls. From what we now know, this had the opposite effect. When free market leader Ludwig Erhard recommended that the controls be lifted to relieve the economic plight of the German people, the officials insisted that would create chaos.

When Erhard finally took it upon himself to lift the price controls, the reaction led to what has been known as the German "economic miracle."

So, it's clear that price controls have been and will continue to be the wrong answer. It's just too bad that our politicians haven't learned economics or history.

posted by Dash | 5:54 AM | |

A few weeks ago I wrote this post about a book I was going to write. I said it would surely be the shortest book ever written. I also listed several ideas I had for more short books.

I haven't written that book yet, but I did get a list of some other short books today in the e-mail bag. Hat tip to my buddy Larry in Dallas. Some of these look promising.


FRENCH WAR HEROES
-by Jacques Chirac

HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY
-by Jane Fonda

MY BEAUTY SECRETS
-by Janet Reno

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
-by John Denver

MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS
-by Dan Marino

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
-by Hillary Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
-by Osama Bin Laden

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
-by Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
-by Dennis Rodman

MY WILD YEARS
-by Al Gore

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

DETROIT: a Winter Travel Guide

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
-by Dr. J. Kevorkian

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
-by Ellen de Generes

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
-by Mike Tyson

SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
-by the EPA

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
-by O. J. Simpson

posted by Dash | 3:55 PM | |

My boy RedNeck might even like it in Iraq if he could go fishing.

I had never seen anyone catch anything, not even the big fat carp, until this afternoon. I was out on the back deck doing some dips and some easy weights, when SPC Mauro, who was casting a little jig from our back deck, says - "SIR - GET THE NET!!"

I wonder if Acidman would eat Iraqi seafood.

posted by Dash | 3:05 PM | |

I read this article from James Taranto at the WSJ Opinion Journal last Friday and thought it was interesting. I haven't seen much commentary about it, so maybe it fell by the wayside.

Why is it that partisan politicians love televised hearings so much? It's because they're waiting in ambush to catch one of their opponents in an embarrassing moment. These political hacks aren't there to gather information. They're only trying to make a political point. A gotcha! They hate Bush and Rumsfeld so much, they're willing to try anything to make one of them look bad.

Loretta Sanchez is the lady who unseated B-1 Bob Dornan in Orange County California. Sanchez was able to beat Dornan by changing her name from Anglo to Hispanic. There was also a lot of evidence that illegal aliens voted in that race. Who do you think they voted for?

Here's Loretta Sanchez questioning Donald Rumsfeld at a meeting of the House Armed Services Committee last week. Sanchez thinks she's found Rumsfeld playing fast and loose with some numbers regarding troops in Iraq.

Sanchez: Unfortunately, as I said, this committee has had a hard time assessing where we really stand with the Iraqi army as an effective fighting force. Over the past year, we've received incredibly widely fluctuating estimates of that. And I think you have a real credibility problem on this issue.

Rumsfeld: Fluctuations of what?

Sanchez: The fluctuations of--the numbers that you bandy around about how many troops we really have out there that are Iraqi police, et cetera, et cetera. . . .

Rusmfeld: Now, you say we bandy around numbers. They're not my numbers. I don't invent them. They come from Gen. Petraeus. . . .

Sanchez: I have Petraeus's numbers. They're different than your numbers, by the way.

Rumsfeld: Well, what's the date? They aren't different because these came from Petraeus. He may have two sets of numbers, but they are not different if the date's the same. The date on my paper here is Feb. 14. What's yours?

Sanchez: Dec. 20.

Rumsfeld: Not surprising there's a difference.

OOOOOppps! I guess she got her gotcha. But, the egg is on her face. How do these people continue to get elected? Wouldn't you think she would have done just a little bit of research before she launched into her comments accusing him of "bandying around" these figures? She's using data that's nearly two months old.

Now who continues to look inept? Donald Rumsfeld has been around the block a few million times. Did she really think she was going to be able to make him look like he had a credibility problem?

She had better go do some more homework if she wants to try that again.

posted by Dash | 9:58 AM | |

That great philosopher Tom T. Hall got it right when he wrote the classic "I Like Beer." The song hits a nerve with me and it goes something like this.

I like beer.
It makes me a jolly good fellow.
I like beer.
It helps me unwind
and sometimes it makes me feel mellow.

While thinking about it, I realized my friends and I aren't the only ones who have loved beer over the years. Here are a few famous quotes to back me up.

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-- Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-- Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Paul Hornung

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
-- H.L. Mencken

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- George Bernard Shaw

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry

Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.
-- W.C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
-- Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
-- Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm.
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kill brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

So, there you have it. Not only is beer good, it's good for you. So, drink up!

posted by Dash | 7:43 AM | |

Being an avid waterfowl hunter in Texas, I've spent many a day on the coastal prairies with the millions of birds that winter in the marshes along the Gulf of Mexico.

One of the birds that we see on occasion is the endangered Whooping Crane. When I first started hunting down there in the mid-70's, I was told there were less than 50 of them in existence. So, if we happened to get a look at one, it was a rare sight. In 1941, there were 15 of them. By 1986, that number had grown to 100.

The good news is that the numbers have been going up every year and this year there are over 200 of them according to the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department. The last count was 213. This success story is the result of over six decades of conservation efforts. Habitat protection, wetland restoration, and protection from hunting have all helped the whooping crane recover.

Standing nearly five feet tall they are the tallest birds in North America, and have a wingspan wider than my truck. They are impressive to watch while on land or in flight.

The whooping cranes make their 2,400 mile migration from Canada to Texas every year. They usually start arriving in Aransas National Wildlife Refuge in late October and will depart for Canada starting in mid-March. Biologists are hoping for another year of good chick production.

Before they leave Texas, they will perform a spring courtship display, characterized by wing flapping, leaps in the air and duets of the loud "whooping" call for which they have been named.

The good news this year has given all of us something to whoop about.

posted by Dash | 8:55 AM | |

Cathy at The View from Up Here has a post and a link to an article by Charles Krauthammer that furthers the discussion about Social Security reform.

The problem is that people can't see potential problems that far into the future. The president said the magic year is 2042. How many of us are worried about what's possibly going to happen in 37 years? Hell, I'll be lucky to still be alive.

Of course, the reason we should be worried about it is that we are undoubtedly destined to put a huge burden on our children, grand-children, and so on. As I stated in an earlier post, even Bill Clinton agreed with that premise, but didn't do anything about it. Politically, it's much easier to pass the responsibility to the next guy in charge and then criticize the way he does it.

Why not do something about it now? Krauthammer's point is that every year we keep our heads in the sand about this issue, the harder it will be on us to reform the system. In reality, we should have started doing something about it years ago. But nobody has had the guts to tackle a very political problem.

In reality, the year in which the outlays become more than the income is 2018. In 13 years, unless we make some adjustments, the system starts bleeding red ink. That means we need to do something now.

posted by Dash | 8:03 AM | |

I don't know who found this video of me when I was a lowly student. But, it's out and all I can say is this white boy can get down. Hit it...

posted by Dash | 1:53 PM | |

Well, Christina tagged me when I wasn't looking. She tagged my boy Redneck at the same time. She must be pretty tough to take on over 400 pounds of smart ass at the same time. Ever since she got that little .22 mag Derringer, she's been a little... um... feisty. Did you notice?

Okay, I'll bite. Call me easy, I guess.

What's your favorite kind of cookie?

Chocolate Chip, but Oreos run a close second.

Who is America’s most overrated actor?

Yo - it's Sylvester Stallone. What?

Name a guilty pleasure.

Expensive scotch.

"Scrubs" or "Everybody Loves Raymond"?

Have never seen Scrubs - seen Raymond about twice. Therefore, I vote for Raymond. It was good - I just don't watch sit-coms.

Name two things you can't live without.

My family and being outdoors (are those 'things'?).

Your first pet's name + your mother's maiden name = your porn star name.

Bucky Goldstein (coincidentally, also the name of world famous Jewish cowboy).

What song are you listening to right now?

One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer - George Thorogood and the Destroyers

Name your celebrity crush.

Catherine Zeta-Jones (that's one hot tamale)

Favorite punch line from a joke.

Wait a minute, I'll get my coat.

Who do you want to pass this meme off to?

I'll stop the insanity here, since I was so severely castigated last time I sent one of these on.

posted by Dash | 1:38 PM | |

Hello. My name is Dash and I'm... um... I'm left-handed.

I've been trying to change for %& years now, but it must be something deep within my brain that makes me that way.

It could be worse, I suppose. I could have OCD like Velociman, or I could suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder like (your name here). Or, I could have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or be dyslexic. But, no... I'm just left-handed.

I'm a minority. Maybe I should have used that to help me get some kind of preferential treatment when I was struggling through school. I could have stood out on the street corner with a sign that said, "Please help - I'm dextrally disadvantaged."

Christina sent me a link to an article talking about left-handedness.

It's not easy being a lefty. Statistics show left-handed people are more likely to be schizophrenic, alcoholic, delinquent, dyslexic, and have Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis, as well as mental disabilities. They're also more likely to die young and get into accidents. So if evolutionary theory dictates survival of the fittest, why do lefties still exist?

The only other lefty in my whole seriously extended family is my mother. She's even more left- handed than I am. She can't do anything with her right hand. She might as well not even have one. At least I learned how to use scissors, operate a circular saw, play golf and bat right-handed. I taught myself how to do those things out of necessity.

Let's face it - it's a right-handed world. Practically everything we do in life is set up for a right- handed person. If you want to play golf left-handed, you have to special order clubs that are more expensive than their righty counterparts. And you never get to try the new, state-of-the- art clubs because they don't make them in the lefty version until they've been successful in the market for a couple of years.

Same thing for guns, namely bolt-action rifles and semi-automatic shotguns and rifles. If you want a left-handed model, be prepared to pay extra bucks. I just got used to shooting right- handed guns that were passed down to me over the years, left-handed. I did teach myself to shoot right- handed just for grins. I even learned how to shoot a bow right-handed. I'd like to see one of my right-handed friends try to shoot my compound bow. That would be fun to watch.

Luckily, I'm left eye dominant. That makes it easier to be able to shoot guns and pool accurately. I have a lot of friends who are naturally right-handed, but are left eye dominant. They really get frustrated when their accuracy suffers because of that. A lot of people never know that's their problem.

There are some advantages to being left-handed. One of them is fighting. I wasn't much on street fighting, but when I had to, I was pretty good at it. One reason was I had an element of surprise in that I could fight left-handed. Most people don't really know how to defend against that. I used to box a little in my younger days, so I learned how to fight right-handers. The guys that I sparred with were able to get some experience fighting a lefty, but most don't. I used that to my advantage.

Since baseball was my favorite sport as a kid, there were really only three or four positions I could play. Being a southpaw limited me to pitcher, first base, or outfield. I couldn't play catcher or any other infield position. Another benefit was that I could bat from either side.

I guess being left-handed isn't really all that bad, after all. But, if you still feel sorry for me, go ahead and send those donations.

posted by Dash | 3:55 PM | |

With all the brouhaha lately regarding Ward Churchill's inflammatory words about the Americans and others who were killed on 9/11/01, the most often heard defense for him is "freedom of speech."

Freedom of speech is protected in the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

The Constitution's framers believed that freedom of inquiry and liberty of expression were the hallmarks of a democratic society. But, what does it mean exactly?

It means that Mr. Churchill's hate speech is protected under our law and should not be subject to any type of censorship. But, it doesn't mean that it should be protected from criticism.

Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences that result from that speech. If you don't believe that, go tell a policeman that he is a big fat pig and doesn't deserve to be getting paid from your tax money. Or, tell off your boss when you get in the office tomorrow and see where that gets you.

When the Dixie Chicks were chastised for their anti-Bush speech while they were overseas is a good example. I heard some folks say it would be a cold day in Hell before they bought another "Chicks" CD after they heard that speech. Another person in the group said, "That's freedom of speech! What you're talking about is censorship!"

That's not censorship. That is exercising your right to not support someone who you don't agree with politically or otherwise. It would be like saying you're not going to buy another Arnold Schwartzenegger movie because you don't like his politics. The Dixie Chicks are still experiencing the economic effects of their speech. It's called consequences of your actions and words - not censorship.

Freedom of speech doesn't entitle anyone to an audience, either. If I were a writer for a publication, my editor could, at his or her discretion, decide to not publish my writing. There would be nothing I could do about it. This would not be a violation of my freedom of speech. Nobody said I couldn't write it; just that they weren't going to publish it. There's a big difference.

Mr. Churchill's situation is even a little more complicated since he is a tenured college professor. His supporters seem to think he should be afforded some extra latitude because of his esteemed position. They say it is an issue of "academic freedom."

Again, I disagree. Mr. Churchill's seditious remarks were not made in a classroom or even on campus. They were from a piece that he wrote voicing his opinions about the attack on our country. He basically said we Americans brought the attack upon ourselves; that we deserved the attacks.

Should he be fired for making those statements? Probably not. Should he be fired if he had made those remarks in his classroom? Maybe. Should a biology or accounting professor be fired for making comments about a subject such as the war in Iraq in the classroom? In my opinion, yes. The rules of academic freedom strongly dissuade professors from discussing controversial subjects that are not part of their class subject matter.

As a student, I didn't pay my tuition to hear a professor talk about anything outside his or her field of expertise. As far as I'm concerned, the professor's opinions on such issues carry no more weight than my own. Also, the professors should be more understanding of the opinions of their students.

The problem is that the professors know they have a captive audience in the classroom and want to take full advantage. Too many of our colleges have professors who consider themselves to be great philosophers; all-knowing on all subjects. When in reality, many are basically ignorant of anything outside their own field of specialty.

In my opinion, those who yell the loudest about freedom of speech are usually trying to cram some sort of propaganda down our throats. A good example of this is Michael Moore's movie Fahrenheit 9/11.

When some of the movie houses decided to not show it, he ran around crying censorship and violation of his freedom of speech. That's nonsense. No government agency was telling them to not show it. Those theater owners and managers have every right to not show anything they want to.

The bottom line is nobody is trying to violate Churchill's freedom of speech. People just want to be able to tell him what they think about his choice of words. Personally, I would love to have the chance to give him my opinion face to face. My guess is he wouldn't like it very much.

posted by Dash | 7:29 AM | |

This is an oldie, but a goodie that was selected from the morning's e-mail. Hat tip to my friend Dr. Matt.

Warning: If you can read this whole story without laughing out loud, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Probably because I can relate to eating something that clearly wasn't meant for human consumption.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have these chili cook-offs all over the state. The most renown of these is the Terlingua Chili International which is arguably the granddaddy of all chili cook-offs.

The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other
two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!


Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to
really hot chili?

posted by Dash | 5:13 AM | |

I found a couple of good articles today during my usual reading.

Did you know bloggers have a significant influence on politics today? There's been more and more discussion about how the "blogosphere" is causing changes in how politicians campaign.

Michael Barone has a good one today about how this has evolved.

So what hath the blogosphere wrought? The left blogosphere has moved the Democrats off to the left, and the right blogosphere has undermined the credibility of the Republicans' adversaries in Old Media. Both changes help Bush and the Republicans.

Also, remember how some people said that they were going to move to Canada if Bush happened to bamboozle enough voters to get re-elected? I think some of these folks were saying that last time around. Are they still here? What's the hold-up?

I think they're starting to realize maybe it's not better anywhere else.

John Leo has one that points out just exactly what those people have to look forward to when they move... if they really do, that is.

Some 10,000 to 20,000 Americans, unable to come to terms with the re-election of President Bush, are believed poised to leave the United States and become Canadians. Many, of course, will remain permanently in the poised position, just like Alec Baldwin, who has apparently been on the tarmac for four years awaiting a plane to some other country.

I guess the contrast of these two articles is that while some things change, others never do.

posted by Dash | 3:15 PM | |

Commercial crabbing is a multi-million dollar industry in Texas. It is carried out primarily by the use of cubicle chicken wire traps that are baited and submerged in shallow bay waters.

The traps are attached by nylon ropes to floats that mark their locations. Commercial crabbers set trap lines and then sell their produce to local fish markets and grocery stores to be sold to the public.

The problem is that over time, a trap can come untied from its nylon tether, and the location of the trap is lost, or abandoned. Over time, the abandoned trap becomes a hazard to fishermen and fish.

By design, the wire traps are efficient but are indiscriminate. Fish and crabs continue to be trapped until the traps disentegrate which can take several years.

To help alleviate this problem, the state sets aside a period to clean up the abandoned traps. Each February, the state closes crabbing to commercial fishermen for 10 days and opens the bays to the collection of abandoned traps. The effort is coordinated by the Texas Parks & Wildlife Department to limit the loss of marine life.

This year, that 10-day period will start Friday and continue through February 27th. Any crab trap in a Texas bay during that period is considered abandoned.

The public is encouraged to volunteer labor and boats in this effort. Saturday will be the big work day.

In three previous clean-up campaigns, over 15,000 abandoned traps have been sent to the dump. This is a good way to help keep the bays cleaner. Weekend bay fishermen like me appreciate that.

posted by Dash | 9:53 AM | |

"I've never sailed without bleeding."

Check this one out. Spoken like a man who loves to race... and win.

Good one, Sam. You have my vote for teammate of the year.

posted by Dash | 6:04 PM | |

It has been kind of slow in sports this week, but here's a short review:

Number 5 - Wild Fish Story
A polygraph test verified the story of a Florida angler who said he put his wedding ring on a sailfish's bill two years ago near the end of his marriage and caught that same fish this January. The fish still had the ring on, giving it the best assists-to-turnovers ratio in Florida history.

Number 4 - Snookered 'Em
Snooker player Jimmy White has changed his name to Jimmy Brown to secure an endorsement deal from HP Foods, famous for its brown sauce. Word is HP Foods outbid Hanes, which had planned to sign him to endorse its sleepwear line. He would then have had to become Jimmy Jammies.

Number 3 - Falwell.com didn't win?
Shaune Bagwell, ex-wife of Astros' first baseman Jeff Bagwell, will sport a GoldenPalace.com tattoo for 30 days on her cleavage after she auctioned off the real estate on eBay for $15,099. The idea "seemed sexy and cute without being sleazy," she said. But she did say for an extra $15,000 sleazy could be arranged.

Number 2 - MJ of NASCAR
Last week it was announced that Jeff Gordon will be the face behind a new cologne, Halston Z-14. The chairman of Elizabeth Arden says Gordon is "masculine, trendsetting, daring and bold." Gordon said the fragrance is "masculine, trendsetting and smells better than gasoline."

Numero Uno - Negative Publicity
Eagles receiver Freddie Mitchell is selling "FredEx" merchandise on his website with a logo similar to that of the shipping company. A spokesman for FedEx said it is reviewing the matter. If the company is upset, it's understandable... after all, would any business that values speed want to be even remotely associated with the Eagles' two-minute offense?

This Week in Sports History

On Feb. 15, 1998, it took 20 tries, but Dale Earnheart finally got the monkey off his back and won the Daytona 500.

On Feb. 18, 1998, Cubs long -time announcer Harry Caray, famous for his rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame", died.

There you have it.

posted by Dash | 1:00 PM | |

Okay, guys. You have two more days and many options before you. The quantity and quality of a valentine is directly proportional to your romantic behavior during the rest of the year.

If you are especially attentive to your significant other on the other 364 days, you might be able to get away with, say, a simple card and some candy. On the other hand, if you were less than attentive you might have to resort to more drastic measures.

I can usually tell which category a fellow falls into by the gifts he bears on this day. Every time I see a limo filled with red roses and balloons that say, "You are the Love of my Life", arriving at a very expensive restaurant, I can figure it's one of two situations. Either this guy is one romantic dude, or he really screwed up at Christmas when he gave her that vacuum cleaner and a new set of pots and pans.

When I was in college, I had a friend who would break up with his girlfriend every year around the first week in February. Then, miraculously he would get back together with her at the end of the month. About the third year, she finally figured it out. She asked him straight up. "Are you breaking up with me so you won't have to get me a Valentine's Day gift?" Busted!

The valentines everybody got in elementary school were the best. You got to buy a box of 30 cards and gave one to everyone in your class. That was great because you got to give one to every girl in class and not be accused of being a player. You also got to give one to every boy in class without your parents freaking out and wondering where they went wrong.

What's the annual symbol for Valentine's Day? The heart-shaped box of chocolates. There are the expensive Godiva type and the less expensive Hershey's. Then there's the box of little chalky candy hearts with the red dye lettering on them that say things like, "I LUV YOU" or "BE MINE". Those are cute, but that's about one step above breaking up for the month of February.

I guess it's a good thing that the box looks like a heart, which when you hold upside down looks like someone's bottom (or perhaps top), and not a real live beating human heart. They say the heart is the most important organ in your body, but I'd have to say it's not the most attractive compared to other organs. It's certainly not the most romantic one.

Maybe if you were to get a box that's more realistic in shape. You could say, "Go ahead and open it, Sweety. The ventricles are filled with truffles, the atria are filled with dark chocolate cremes, and the aorta is made of white chocolate." Mmmmmm... dig in!

The week after Valentine's Day is the best. Go down to Walgreens and you can get leftover candy at seriously discounted prices. The prices of those heart shaped boxes of candy are falling faster than Anna Nicole's top at a photo-shoot. When that discount hits 75%, it's time to move in and buy up everything that's left. No, they won't last until next year, but you never know when a box might come in handy.

Regardless of whether you go with cards, candy, flowers, jewelry, cars, or some combination of these, it's really all about what your mom always said. "It's the thought that counts." After all, you can't put a price on love. Can you? No... uh... no. Definitely not... Honey.

To my beautiful, smart, sexy, loving wife of many wonderful years: I love you more every day. You are more beautiful today than the day we married. You've given me more than any man could ever ask for. You own my heart (ventricles, atria, aorta and all).

posted by Dash | 9:05 AM | |

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls. So the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born.

When the man visited the nursery he was horrified. The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."

posted by Dash | 3:10 PM | |

Where's George W's library going to be? Recently I've been hearing that question at the water cooler and around the dinner table.

It's a good question. Who knows? I don't think George knows yet.

There are a lot of possibilities, though.

Southern Methodist University in Dallas is the alma mater of first lady Laura Bush. Baylor University in Waco is about 20 miles east of Bush Ranch in Crawford, Texas. Texas A&M University in College Station, the home of the George H. W. Bush presidential library, is pushing the concept of a father-son library complex.

The owners of baseball's Texas Rangers (the team which W was the managing general partner before becoming governor) have offered some land near The Ballpark at Arlington.

Now, the bastion of liberalism in central Texas, the University of Texas at Austin has thrown its hat in the ring.

However, along with all the competitors seeking the library, UT might have some factors working against it.

First, the university campus already hosts the presidential library and museum of Lyndon B. Johnson. And the law school at UT-Austin rejected W's application many years ago. He ended up getting an MBA at Harvard instead. His undergraduate degree is from Yale University.

On the other hand, his daughter Jenna just graduated from UT-Austin and his nephew George P. Bush is a graduate of the UT law school.

UT president has offered two sites for the library. One is opposite the Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum and the other is near the J.J. Pickle Research Campus in north Austin. Until now, UT has not sought the library as aggressively as the other competitors.

The White House said a panel will be formed to help George and Laura sift through the offers. They said there is no specific timetable regarding the decision, but that the president appreciates the interest.

Even though Bush spent several years in Austin as governor and his daughter went to UT, I would be surprised if UT ends up with it. I think the LBJ folks would fight it tooth and nail.

If I had to make a prediction, I'd say it will end up at Baylor, with SMU running a close second. W's not going to want to encroach upon the LBJ site in Austin, nor that of his dad at Texas A&M in College Station. Surely he would want a site considered to be exclusively his.

I guess we will see, sooner or later.

posted by Dash | 10:03 AM | |

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing some of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the butt. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance . The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around.

She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, he tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake.

She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Just then the little snake crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors and they called the fire department, and the arriving fire truck had started raising its ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area but they did get the house fire out.

Time passed.

Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

That's when she shot him.

posted by Dash | 9:55 AM | |

Today is Ash Wednesday, which is the day after Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday). For Catholics, that means the parties are over for a while and it's now time for Lent.

First, let me say I'm not Catholic. But, having been born and reared in South Louisiana, I've known my share.

To me, Lent has a little different meaning.

It means Seafood!

No disrespect to the Catholics, but that's what it means to me. You see, during Lent, Catholics don't eat meat on Fridays. So Fridays are seafood days.

Growing up near the Gulf Coast, I learned to love all kinds of seafood. Along with red beans and rice, seafood was a staple in my home.

Some of my earliest memories are of my grandfather coming over to visit. He would bring over fresh shrimp, crabs, fish and oysters. Needless to say, we would have a feast.

Acidman actually made me remember some of those early times of eating fresh, and I mean right off the boat, oysters. He had a post a while back, talking about eating some good fresh oysters, that got my mouth watering. I was salivating like Pavlov's dog.

Grandaddy would buy a croaker-sack full, throw them into a cooler full of crushed ice and bring them over. We would sit out on our front porch, shuck oysters and eat them right out of the shell. I can still taste the saltiness and wonderful flavor of those delectable treats. He called it a little piece of heaven on earth and I agreed.

It's always interesting to me to watch people try raw oysters for the first time. Let's just say they're different from anything else you eat. You either love them or hate them. Some people try to say that you just put the oyster in your mouth and let it slide down your throat. To me that's nonsense. You have to chew it up to be able to get the full flavor. How are you going to taste it if you just let it slide down your throat? You just have to look out for pearls, because if you eat enough oysters, eventually you'll get one. Take my advice and don't bite down on a pearl, or you'll be making a trip to the dentist.

There are a lot of ways to eat them, though. Some like to make a cocktail sauce from ketchup, lemon juice and horseradish. That's awesome - especially the bite you get from the horseradish. Others like to just splash some Tabasco Sauce on them and nothing else. Then, the rest like to eat them “au naturel” right out of the shell with nothing on them. Some folks like to eat them on saltine crackers.

Of course, there are those who will only eat them cooked. But, that's a topic for another discussion. Today, I'm talkin' about eatin' them raw.

When I was old enough to go down to New Orleans with my parents, my Dad and I would head straight for the French Quarter where we could get some fresh oysters. Our favorite places were Felix's Oyster Bar and Acme Oyster House. They were and still are on Iberville, one block over from Bourbon Street.

For some reason, those were the best oysters ever. We would belly up to the bar, ask for a couple dozen oysters and get after it. And my Dad would let me drink a beer with him. He'd say, "Boy, if you're going to eat raw oysters, you gotta have a beer." Back in those days, nobody cared that a minor was drinking beer at a restaurant like that. It was common. I felt like I was on top of the world.

Pammy at Lollygaggin has a post today on New Orleans. She’s been there only a couple of times, but I think she's got a handle on the flavor and atmosphere of the city and especially the French Quarter.

Although, I've moved across the Sabine River into Texas, my family still makes a point of visiting the Big Easy every chance we get. When we go there, along with all the other "must" stops, we make a point to go at least once to the oyster bar.

posted by Dash | 11:09 AM | |

When I was growing up, all I wanted to do was play sports, hunt and fish. Every day when I got home from school, I would meet up with other kids in the neighborhood to play the sport of the season. My favorite was baseball.

I loved baseball and I guess I was pretty good at it. I played baseball through high school, then softball in college intramurals, and then in softball leagues until I just wasn't physically able to play anymore.

I played through all the injuries like separated shoulders, broken fingers and hands, sprained ankles, knees, and backs, etc. It was just what we weekend and night-time wannabe athletes did for fun. The most fun team I played on was one sponsored by a "gentlemen’s club". They supplied the beer, uniforms and the best cheerleaders.

I used to be a major league baseball fan, too. When I lived in Houston, several of the guys would get together for some Astros games on occasion. It was back when the team wasn't that great, so the Astrodome wouldn't be very full. We'd buy tickets for $3.00 in the cheap seats and weasel our way down to the better seats that weren't occupied.

Then we would drink as much "dome foam" as we could and in general have a blast. It was always a great time.

After about the second major league strike, I decided I didn't want to contribute to the wealth of such idiots, so I boycotted the games. If I wanted to watch a game, I could watch it on TV. But, I wasn't going to give them any more of my hard earned money.

Fast forward to today.

Jose Canseco is a famous ex-baseball player who is about to release a book about his days playing in the big leagues. It's titled "Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits and How Baseball Got Big."

First of all, we know how Canseco got big. And if we are to believe his book, we know how baseball players got to be "super-sized."

If any of you are surprised by the revelations, you need to keep putting your teeth under your pillow and keep believing OJ was set up.

Canseco is naming names. The man who hit 463 home runs for seven different teams says he was supplying more than power to those teams.

He says he personally injected several big name players with anabolic steroids to help them bulk up and become much stronger. Some of the names are Jason Giambi, Rafael Palmeiro, Juan Gonzalez and Ivan Rodriquez. All of those players were and still are big name players.

Canseco writes that he helped inject Mark McGwire. Although McGwire has issued some rather weak general denials, he has never categorically denied that he used steroids to help him pass Roger Maris' single-season home run record.

Critics and cynics have reminded the public of the many indiscretions of Canseco over the years and predictably have said, "consider the source." I’m sure Canseco needs the money, but why put himself through the firestorm sure to come his way?

I'm not usually very judgmental when it comes to what people want to put into their bodies, but when it comes to professional sports that are supposed to have certain rules, I've had enough. These guys have repeatedly broken the rules and there doesn't seem to be any real punishment.

It's time to return the sport to those who have the proper respect for it, and who play the game within the guidelines. If baseball is to regain the integrity it once had, the commissioner, owners, players' association, and fans must treat the situation with the seriousness it deserves.

Until then, they won't see any of my money.

posted by Dash | 11:05 AM | |

(caller to 911) "My friend just had a heart attack and he's unconscious! Please send an ambulance immediately!"

(operator) "Ok sir, just calm down now and we'll have an ambulance on the way. What is the address?"

(caller) "456 Tchoupitoulas Street!"

(operator) "Could you spell that for me sir?"

(caller) ... long pause ... "How about if I drag him over to Camp Street and you pick him up there?!"

posted by Dash | 4:03 PM | |

I just heard Bill Clinton is about to release a new book of his memoirs.

It's called "The Johnson Years."

posted by Dash | 3:10 PM | |

When a president comes up with a good idea that might help America, it's only a good idea if the president who came up with it is in your party. Otherwise, it's not really a good idea. In fact, it's probably a bad idea.

Do you remember back when Bill Clinton was president, and he came out and said Social Security was on the path toward bankruptcy? He said if we didn't "fix" it, we'd be unfairly burdening our children and grandchildren. Did the Democrats have the guts to really do anything about it? No, but they sure sounded like they cared, didn't they? Bless their little hearts.

Bill Clinton pretended to want to fix the problem. Even Al Gore thought it was a problem during his presidential campaign. Remember, he said he wanted to put the money into a "lock box". He didn't have a clue what he was talking about, but he loved saying it.

Lock Box.

Kind of makes it sound safe doesn't it?

Now we know the Democrats weren't sincere about wanting to fix Social Security.

President Bush has offered a plan to help fix Social Security. You'd think he would be given a little credit for wanting to tackle the notorious third rail of politics. He really has nothing to gain politically except that he would get some credit if it were to end up being a good idea.

Think again. The Democrats are crying foul. We can't reform Social Security, they say. That's a bad idea.

The AARP is issuing attack adds against the plan. In effect, they're saying screw the kids, we want our benefits. The funny thing is, nobody's talking about taking away their benefits.

The real question is, if Social Security reform was a good idea when the Democrats were in power, why is it now a bad idea? Just because the Republicans are pushing the plan?

That's hard for me to buy.

posted by Dash | 3:00 PM | |

I mentioned earlier that most fall and winter hunting seasons are just about over. Now is the time to go through the gear and make some tune ups, etc.

Spring turkey season is coming up, too. One thing we do to help turkey in our woods is to take out all the feral hogs we can.

Down here in the South, we have a hog problem. These once-domesticated swine with their insatiable appetites are destroying turkey habitat.

Those of us who try to improve turkey habitat by creating nesting areas and planting food plots are pissed. The hogs are destroying these areas as fast as we can create them.

In response, hunters are going after hogs with a vengeance.

In the state of Texas, wild hogs destroyed up to 80 percent of turkey nests at the Gus Engling Wildlife Management Area southeast of Dallas. In the mid-90's, three years of hunting and trapping culled over 600 wild hogs there, resulting in a tremendous increase in turkey production.

Louisiana hunters have experienced the same thing. The Department of Wildlife and Fisheries says local hunting clubs are actively trying to eradicate these beasts from their hunting leases.

In Alabama, wild hogs make pigs of themselves on chufa, a tuber grown for turkey forage. In some of Alabama's state wildlife areas, managers have voiced a difficulty in getting chufa established because of the hogs. Hogs tear through food plots like a plow.

From what I've seen, feral hog hunting is highly encouraged by wildlife agencies. They're so prolific, usually having at least two litters a year, they aren't really considered to be wildlife, but more of a nuisance. I know the animal rights folks are probably having a stroke hearing that statement, but it's true.

These animals aren't typically native to any of our woods. They are the result of domesticated pigs run amok. The hogs are more detrimental to native wildlife than anything else recently.

Therefore, bag limits and hunting seasons are wide open in most places. There may be some kinds of restrictions on some federal lands. But, typically, wildlife managers are willing to get rid of as many as possible. It's usually a year long job.

I know people who have been hired to go to some leases for the sole reason of thinning out the wild hog population. These guys consider themselves bounty hunters.

The added bonus to taking these wild pigs out is that they are extremely tasty. Just imagine a pork chop, loin, or ribs with a little added natural flavor. No joke, they are very good eating, especially the sows and younger boars.

On my lease in central Texas, we kill about 10 - 15 every year just to keep them in check. Otherwise our food plots for deer and turkey will be a waste of our time and money.

So, help your wildlife, eat a wild pig.

posted by Dash | 9:03 AM | |

"I met Michael Jordan for the first time. He was like, 'How's it going, TB?' That was the coolest thing I ever heard. A lot of people call me 'TB'. But never like that."

Two time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady upon meeting MJ the other day in Jacksonville.

If he wins another one tomorrow, maybe MJ will return the compliment.

posted by Dash | 7:44 AM | |

Puffing on a cigar, his pale face turning pink in the pre-dawn cold, Kinky Friedman announced his candidacy for governor of Texas yesterday.

Appropriately, he was standing in front of a symbol of brave souls facing long odds - the Alamo.

His Santa Anna is current Governor Rick Perry.

Kinky said, "He (Perry) appears more interested in ironing his shirts than in ironing out our problems."

Author, humorist, and country music singer Kinky Friedman spoke to a crowd of more than 300 gathered on the Alamo Plaza in San Antonio.

Affectionately know as "The Kinkster" by his many fans, he announced his candidacy on the nationally syndicated radio show hosted by Don Imus, which was simulcast on cable television.

"I got 37 write-in votes in the Iraqi election," he deadpanned.

Running as an independent, Friedman is a longshot, but he adds a distinctive, amusing voice to the race.

Most people I know think it's a joke, but Kinky insists it's not.

Stand by for more fun with the Kinkster.

posted by Dash | 7:23 AM | |

Have you ever read something that grabbed you, and you just couldn't wait to get to the next line? I guess that's what makes reading so exciting.

I love to read the work of great writers - especially in the realm of really good fiction.

Although I've been a fan of his blog for some time, I never knew he had it in him.

Jim at Parkway Rest Stop has just blown me away with his opening chapter to Christina's Blog Noir.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, go see for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

Great Job, Jim!

I can't wait to see what happens next.

posted by Dash | 11:15 AM | |

I'm part Redneck (don't ask which part), so please don't send me your hate mail after you read this. I shamelessly stole it from the morning e-mail.

With Valentine's Day approaching, I thought it appropriate.

My good friend RedNeck has my full permission to steal this, as well. On second thought, he probably wrote it. What was I thinking?

Redneck Valentine Love Poem

Collards are green, my dog's name is Blue.
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than ole Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud.
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still, them fellers at work, they all want to know.
What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man.
To patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

Yo're a s cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank.
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day.
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day.
From the cooler at Kroger. That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odor.
More useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR !!

posted by Dash | 11:03 AM | |

Yesterday was national signing day for college football recruits. It is the day when all the college coaches and fans find out what high school players are going to play for what college team. It's the final crescendo of the recruiting season.

Up to this point, all commitments are merely verbal and non-binding. It's amazing to me to watch the giddiness of grown men contemplating the possibility of an eighteen year old high school athlete coming to play for their college.

The amount of notoriety and pomp thrown upon these kids is getting bigger every year. You'd think John Elway himself was coming.

This year the big prize was a quarterback from my home state of Louisiana. Ryan Perrilloux was the nation's number one high school quarterback according to some of the polls. Therefore, he was highly recruited by most colleges in the country, especially those in need of a great quarterback.

Up until yesterday, Ryan said he was committed to going to the University of Texas. The city of Austin was abuzz with excitement that they were going to have a top player to follow their beloved Vince Young. The fact that they were going to "steal" a top player away from another state was even sweeter.

With less than 48 hours before national signing day, Perrilloux became oddly silent about his "commitment". In the last few weeks he made visits to two other colleges - Mississippi State and LSU. He announced that he would make his final choice on Wednesday at a press conference.

A PRESS CONFERENCE! For a high school kid who has never played a down in big time football in his life! He said he would bring three caps with him. One representing each of his finalists - UT, MSU and LSU.

Drum roll please...

He picked up the LSU cap and waved it to the crowd. His choice was the Bayou Bengal Tigers.

What? I thought he committed to UT. What happened?

He said his family convinced him to stay close to home so they could come to all of his games, yada, yada, yada.

Since I'm an LSU Tiger fan living in Austin, I started getting calls and e-mails. These ranged from congratulations to "you suck". No offense taken - BTW. How could I be mad? This was a good day for my Tigers.

The first question I got was, "How much did LSU have to pay Ryan Perrilloux?"

Oh, I don't know. It must have been more than UT did - asshole. Heh.

Among all the name-calling and profanity from my UT "friends", was a lot of whining. "Why did we even waste our time thinking how great it was going to be to get him?"

Or here's a good one that all the local radio sports talking heads are proffering. "We're better off without him anyway."

Hello people! Spin the loss any way you see fit, but don't try to cram that reasoning down my throat.

No! The Longhorns are not better without him. No team in the country is "better" without him.

Yes, he's arrogant. Some would even say he's a Prima Donna. But, he's an eighteen year old kid who has had people telling him how great he is for years now. What do we expect?

If you ever saw the guy play, you would never say that your team is better without him. The kid can play some football. Most people who did watch him play already know that.

I'm not here to praise the guy just because he decided to go to my team. His record speaks for itself. He has some real talent. Whether that can be helpful to him at the next level is yet to be seen.

How many hot-shot high school players fizzle when they hit college? A lot. But, at this point, it's a pretty safe bet that Perrilloux will be a top college player.

I just hope the Longhorns can learn to live without him. Maybe we'll just call it paybacks for "stealing" Major Applewhite (the Longhorns' all-time leading passer) from Baton Rouge a few years ago.

All's fair in love and college football recruiting.

posted by Dash | 11:30 AM | |

Counting Ducks

Thibodeaux was walking down the road one day and spotted Boudreaux walking towards him carrying a sack over his shoulder. When they met up on the road, Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux "What you got in the sack?"

Boudreaux replies, "I got me some ducks in this sack."

Thibodeaux then asks Boudreaux, "If I guess how many ducks are in the sack, can I have one?"

Boudreaux , the polite man that he is, kindly says, "My friend, If you can guess how many ducks I have in this sack, I'll give you BOTH of them!"



Churches in the South

Boudreaux : "It's terrible what they're doing in the South."

Thibodeaux: "What's that, Boudreaux?"

Boudreaux : "They're burning all of the churches!"

Thibodeaux: "That's OK, I always liked Popeye's better anyway!"

posted by Dash | 11:18 AM | |

By now most people know I'm a hunter and that I love to hunt birds with dogs. The actual wingshooting is a blast and testing your shotgunning ability is challenging, not to mention a lot of fun.

But, the most fun about bird hunting is watching a good dog work. That is to see him or her do what comes naturally and having a ball doing it. I've been fortunate enough over the years to have hunted over some great dogs.

A good hunting dog - I mean a really good hunting dog - can make any hunting man cry.

Take the case of Boomer and his owner, a lawyer friend of mine who hunted every chance he got. Boomer was a dog most hunters would call a really good hunting dog. Some said he was the best they had ever seen.

Boomer was a mostly white pointer that was a gift from another lawyer who had a generous bone and who also enjoyed hunting over a fine dog. My friend loved Boomer right from the very start. That was because he loved to hunt as much as my friend did and he was always good at it.

He never busted a covey of quail in his life even though he found a lot of them. He always honored the points of other dogs he was hunting with, which is proper etiquette for bird dogs. He was well socialized, meaning he got along well with other dogs and people. He even had a soft spot for the family's house cat. No man could have asked for a better hunting companion than Boomer.

I remember my friend telling me about some of his law partners being envious. He said they couldn't stand to not have a dog like that. They would offer him great sums of money for Boomer. But, he wouldn't even hear it. Not a chance he would sell Boomer. My friend said when you get a dog like that, you had better hang on to it. You never know when or if you'll ever get another one that good. He said mere money would be a poor substitute for the pride, joy and periodic ego boost he got from Boomer. Not to mention a freezer full of quail.

Boomer continued to live up to his reputation when one day he was chasing a bird and ran across a dirt road where a farmer's truck was also traveling. Well, Boomer was killed in the prime of his life. That was a sad day. My friend didn't hunt the rest of the season after that.

Several months later he was at a state bar association function in another city. There were lots of lawyers and their spouses there mingling and making small talk about contracts and lawsuits and whatever lawyers talk about. Well, the lawyer who had given Boomer to my friend came around. He was a big hunter, too.

He greeted my friend with, "Hey, how's old Boomer doing? Y'all finding any quail?"

My friend didn't answer him right away. He just kind of looked down at his shoes. There was a strange silence. The other guy stood there with a puzzled look on his face. He thought he had asked a fairly simple question.

Slowly teardrops started falling down my friend's face. He then began to all out cry. He was sobbing. After a couple of minutes to gain his composure, he said in a soft voice, "Boomer's... he's dead."

A good hunting dog can have that effect on a man.

posted by Dash | 11:02 AM | |