I've been hearing a new song on the little Americana radio station at home lately. I think the CD has been out since the fall, but I've not heard about it until now.

It's called Deja Vu (All Over Again) by (Mr. One Album a Decade) John Fogerty. I haven't heard the entire CD yet, but I like the title track. It's got the old "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" sound to it.

These days, when somebody says CCR to me, I think they're talking about one of my favorite Oklahoma bands, Cross Canadian Ragweed. But, in the old hazy days, CCR was Creedence Clearwater Revival. I always liked their sound, too.

I don't know if Acidman and Jim at Parkway Rest Stop were CCR fans, but for some reason, I have this mental image of those guys sitting in a nightclub somewhere playing some of those tunes.

Anyway, that song got me to thinking about where that saying came from. If you're a baseball fan, maybe a really old baseball fan, you know it was first stated by the man they call Yogi Berra.

Most people under forty probably don't really know who Yogi Berra is and more importantly who he was. Yogi was a lot of things.

Did you know that Yogi was a WWII veteran? He did his part in the D-Day invasion at Omaha Beach, then went on to serve in North Africa and Italy.

After the war, Yogi went back to playing baseball. He signed his first professional contract with the Yankees for $50,000, which was a huge contract in 1945. He was always a character and as a catcher, he would talk to the batters to try to distract them. There is a story about one time during the 1958 World Series when Hank Aaron came up to bat. Yogi told him to be sure and hit with the label up on the bat. Aaron turned around and said, "Yogi, I came here to hit, not read."

Yogi went on to become a 15-time All-Star and won the American League MVP three times. He played in 14 World Series and still holds quite a few major league records. After his playing days, Yogi was a manager and coach for several teams including the Yankees, Mets and Astros. He was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1972.

Before I ever knew what a great baseball player and coach he was, I knew about Yogi-isms. Those are his famous quotes that will live into perpetuity. "It's like deja vu all over again" is probably the most famous one, but here are some more good ones from Yogi Berra.

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"He must have made that before he died."
-- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.

"I want to thank you for making this day necessary."
-- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.

"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it."
-- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"It gets late early out there."
-- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.

"Glen Cove."
-- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.

Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

"Do you mean now?"
-- When asked for the time.

"I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."

"90% of the putts that are short don't go in."

"I made a wrong mistake."

"Texas has a lot of electrical votes."
-- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.

"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.

"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

"Yeah, but we're making great time!"
-- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."

"If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."

"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

"It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."

"How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name."
-- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."

"I'd say he's done more than that."
-- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

"He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light."
-- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.

"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

"I didn't really say everything I said."

posted by Dash | 8:26 PM | |

I haven't seen any reports of this incident, but this morning, on my way to work, I heard a recording on the radio that was both hilarious and sickening at the same time.

At first, I thought it was a joke - a set up. I thought somebody was getting Punked. But, the longer I listened to it, I realized it was real. Either it was real or a couple of good actors put it together.

It was a recording from a 911 emergency call. The caller was in the drive-thru lane at a local hamburger restaurant. I didn't catch the name of the joint, but it doesn't really matter.

The lady was incensed. She was seething with rage. The 911 operator calmly asked what the nature of her emergency was and the lady said she wanted a police officer to come to the restaurant immediately. She was indignant!

The operator again asked, "Ma'am, what is the nature of your emergency?"

Get this. The lady said, "I ordered a 'Western Deluxe' hamburger and they won't make it right. I want an officer to come up here to insure that I get what I ordered. That's the only kind of burger my kid will eat."

The dispatcher said she was very sorry, but she would not be able to send an officer. She recommended the lady go take it up with the restaurant manager on duty to work it out.

The lady said, "I've already done that and the manager told me they don't offer that particular burger anymore and that they would not be able to make it. I want you to send an officer down here to make them make the burger for me."

The dispatcher (obviously getting a bit peeved by now) said, "Look lady, there's no law being broken. You need to just get your money back and go somewhere else."

Lady says, "I don't want my money back! I want my damn burger - it's the only one my kid will eat! Why can't you just send someone down here? Aren't the police here for our protection?"

Dispatcher said, "I'm sorry, ma'am! There's nothing I can do. I'm not sending an officer! Good day, ma'am! And she hung up.

I was cracking up at the end of that little bit of dialogue. It made me ask myself two things.

One, how many calls like that do the operators at 911 get on a regular basis? I bet it's a lot. I used to work with a guy who was an ambulance driver in Memphis. I wish I could remember some of the stories he told me about some of the calls he went on in that city. I do remember laughing at all of them.

Two, how many people think 911 is for situations like that? It was apparent to me that the lady really thought a policeman should be sent to her location to make the restaurant make her burger the way she wanted it.

I'm going to be looking in the paper for a lawsuit filed by this woman against this restaurant. Is there any doubt that she would be able to find a lawyer willing to file it?

posted by Dash | 10:50 AM | |

Blogger's been seriously screwed lately. Yesterday it was down almost all day and today, I've not been able to even get to my Posting Tab until just now.

This is getting old. I'm going to try to post this as a test. Stand by.

posted by Dash | 9:02 AM | |

Well, I guess I've jumped headlong into the question and answer meme that's been going around lately. I thought it was pretty interesting to read more about some of my favorite bloggers, so I volunteered to be an interviewee.

Dax Montana, one of my favorite Georgia bloggers has come up with some good questions for me. Let's just jump right in.

1. You are a relatively new Blogger having been posting less than six months. However, you have been a reader and commenter of Blogs for much longer. How did you find the Blogosphere? What was the first Blog you read regularly? And what events led up to the ultimate decision to finally begin The Boiling Point?

The first blog I ever read was Neal Boortz. I always liked his radio show, but rarely had time to listen. So, by reading his blog, I could catch up on what he was talking about when I had a spare minute or two on the net. The next one was Moxie. She was always good for a rant when I needed to hear one.

During the 2004 presidential campaign, I started reading a lot more of the big dogs like Michelle Malkin and Glenn Reynolds. Although I still read my news from the usual suspects, those guys seemed to have an interesting perpective on what was going on in the world.

Sometime later I discovered that Christina at Feisty Repartee had started a blog. I thought that was pretty cool. I always knew she loved to write, but now I could read her stuff every day. She told me there were a lot of good writers out there and that I needed to read some of those on her blogroll. That's where I discovered Gut Rumbles, Straight White Guy, The Dax Files, Parkway Rest Stop, Velociworld, The Brier Patch, and a whole bunch of other good blogs.

I became hooked on reading blogs. I couldn't get enough and I started leaving lots of comments on those blogs. One day Christina called me and said, "Why don't you give it a shot?" I told her that I really never considered myself to be a writer, but that I did like to tell stories and jokes, as well as talk about various subjects. She reassured me that it wasn't that hard and that she thought I should give it a trial run. I think she just wanted a blog son. Anyway, one thing led to another and here I am. So, good or bad, I guess I have a lot of folks to thank or blame for this obsession.

2. Also as a newbie, your perception of the Blog community must be entirely different from long timers. How do you perceive the evolution of the Blogosphere? Do you see Blogging as a "new" news media outlet? Or more of a "new" entertainment venue? Or a combination of both. Which do you think will become more prevalent? What do you perceive as your role in this 'new" media. What is your favorite post you've written so far and did you get the response you thought you would?

I see it as a combination of both. There are some very good news blogs out there, but I don't see a lot of people getting all their news from blogs. I think we'll always want to read newspapers, and watch news on TV. It probably won't be CBS, but we'll still get news from the dreaded MSM.

For me, blogs are a form of entertainment. There's a lot of good debate going on, but you have to be able to read it with a heavy filter. Most of what you read on blogs is opinion, pure and simple. Sometimes the facts get mangled and you might not be getting a very objective viewpoint. But, as we all now know, MSM is far from being completely objective.

Personally, my role as a blogger is strictly for entertainment. Seventy percent of what I write is anecdotal and the remaining percentage is my two cents worth on current events or just a comment on something funny I've seen. Sometimes I read something that cracks me up and I just have to respond or just forward it on to the masses for their enjoyment.

My favorite posts are those stories that I remember while growing up in Louisiana. I had a good childhood and I like to reminisce. The responses to those are usually good. I think a lot of people like to think back to the good times they've experienced in their lives. Maybe my stories will trigger some good memories for those who read them.

3. As a family man you must face the daily pressures of being a husband, father, and having and keeping a job. Blog Fodder is indeed everywhere and every Blogger approaches the act of Blogging differently. Do you have a specific Blogging routine like a stiff drink, or listening to music? Are you prone to reading and then posting? Are you posting between parenting assignments or do you have a set Blogging time frame like after the family is in bed?

As far as blog fodder is concerned, I like to blog like I play poker. I like to mix it up. If you're a poker player, you know what I mean. By mixing it up, you keep things fresh. I might discuss the economic ramifications of minimum wages or price controls one day, tell a joke or two the next day, and then tell a story about going on a family vacation the next day. One thing I don't like about reading blogs is that some of them seem to get bogged down into the same old tired subject day after day after miserable day.

I don't really have a routine, per se. It is hard to find the time to blog. I do have a demanding job and a busy home life, so blogging usually has to happen late at night after the kiddos have retired. Sometimes, I'm able to get some writing in during my lunch hour at the office. I don't usually go out to lunch. So, to split the work day, I may write a bit. Otherwise, I may write late on a Friday or Saturday night. In that case, there's usually a drink or two involved. I try to set aside some time when there will be minimal distractions. Music is optional, depending upon the mood.

4. You state you are from the south and central Louisiana. Over your first few months you posted several Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes. Do you see yourself as more of a Boudreaux or a Thibodeaux?

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes are just a part of living in Louisiana. Some folks might be offended by the humor, but most Cajuns I know are very proud of their heritage and are good hearted, happy-go-lucky people. Cajuns are extremely resourceful and fiercely loyal folks. Once you make friends with a Cajun, you'll have a friend for life. And most of them can cook up a storm and party with the best of them.

Since I'm not a true Cajun, I have to say I don't see myself as either one. But, I'd be honored to call either one "mon ami."

5. Is there a question that I did not ask that you thought I should have or a question that you wish I had asked? If so what is the question and your response? Or if you could be any Blogger in the Blogosphere, who would it be and why?

I've heard there's been some talk out there in the blogosphere that I like to eat. I'm surprised you didn't ask me about that. I'm not overweight (well, maybe a few pounds), but I really love to cook and eat. I grew up in a family that was always cooking and basing parties and other events around food. My grandfather was the best cook I have ever known and I spent a lot of time working with him in the kitchen. My mother and mother-in-law are two of the finest cooks that I know of today. My wife is an excellent cook as well. I like to try new things and I love to cook for a large group. My kids are learning how to cook now, too. That's very exciting to me.


Well, there you have it. Dax threw out some good questions and I did my best to answer them as honestly and completely as possible without giving you a bad headache. Thanks, Dax.

Now, if anybody else out there wants to participate in this exercise, let me know in my comments or send me an e-mail. I'll try to come up with five (5) questions for you to answer.

Until then, Laissez les bon temps rouller!

posted by Dash | 5:55 AM | |

Courtesy of the morning's e-mailbag. My brain hurts just thinking about some of these.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
---Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
---Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
---Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
---Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
---Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,and I'm just the one to do it."
---A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
---Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
(Note: This one is very similar to Yogi Berra's quote "Baseball is 90% mental; the other half is physical.")

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
---Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves; how much clean air do we need?"
---Lee Iacocca

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
---Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
---Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor.

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
---Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
---Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
---Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Feeling smarter yet?

posted by Dash | 10:10 AM | |

While stuck in traffic on the way to work this morning, I jotted down a few things I've been thinking about lately. Glean from it what you will.

I could get into the whole "right to life" vs. "right to die" debate, but what would be the benefit? That horse has already been beaten severely about the head and shoulders, and I'll inflict no more harm.

Bottom line - get yourself a "legal" living will. Make your wishes well known to everyone in your life. Express your wishes in writing. To quote my boy Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Now, on to my thoughts in this revolving world we call home sweet home.

1. Why does it seem as though the Dept. of Transportation is reactive instead of proactive? I've been driving in Texas cities (mainly Houston and Austin) for a lot of years now. Everybody knows that literally millions of vehicles go through those cities every day. As soon as a new road project is complete, it's outdated. Do you ever wonder why they don't build roads with the future in mind? If all forecasts say the population of Austin is going to increase by 50 percent in the next 15 years, doesn't make sense to build more than two lanes going each way? Let's plan ahead, people!

2. Why are ordinary families expected to live within their means - to not spend more than they bring in when the Congress is not expected to? Deficit spending is accepted - no, expected these days. Why can't we cut spending where there is obvious waste and fraud? Why do we let the government continue to take more and more from us... just to throw a lot of it in the toilet? What would happen if I went to my boss and told him I needed a raise because I wanted to buy a new Hummer and I wouldn't be able to pay all of my bills on my current pay? Among other things, he'd say, "buy a Chevy."

3. Is there any doubt that raising Social Security taxes today will not leave an extra penny to those who plan to retire in the future? Today, there is more money coming into the Social Security system than is being paid out in benefits. The difference is being spent by the government somewhere else. Higher taxes would mean more money being spent on other things today - not more to be paid out in the future.

Those who oppose any kind of privatization of Social Security denounce it as a "risky scheme." Remember Al Gore saying that in 2000? But, can you think of anything more risky than sending your hard earned dollars to a bunch of half-wit politicians in hopes that they won't spend it before you want to retire? There's no "Lock Box". They've been spending our money for years.

4. Barry Bonds is threatening to quit baseball if the evil media doesn't leave him alone about his steroid use. Does anybody with a real job really give a rat's ass? I love baseball, but the guy makes tens of millions of dollars a year to play a game most of us would give a right nut to be able to play for a living. Personally, I don't care if I never hear his name mentioned again with the immortal greats such as Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron. He is a modern-day crybaby who doesn't deserve the fame and praise that has been heaped upon him. Oh no... I guess I'm being racist because he's black and I'm white. Yeah, right.

5. Do you ever wonder why some bloggers like to tell other bloggers how to blog? Is there a book on blogging? I went to the bookstore the other day and I didn't see "Blogging for Dummies." Is there such a book? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? Why do some bloggers love to go to Blogmeets? Why would some bloggers rather stick an ice pick in their eyes than go to a blogmeet? Why do some bloggers get mad when people lurk without leaving comments? Why do others not even have comments? Why do bloggers base their self-worth on how many hits and links they get? Isn't the point of this to be able to write what you want to without worrying about who or how many people read it? Boy, I hope I get a lot of comments to this one.

I'm just wondering...

UPDATE: I guess there really are books on blogging after all. Thanks to my blog-bro Will at Unconsidered Trifles for the heads-up.

posted by Dash | 3:05 PM | |

When I read this, I wasn't surprised to hear that mandating a 35-hour work week didn't work.

March 22 (Bloomberg) -- France's parliament voted to effectively rescind the 35-hour work week, raising overtime limits and letting private-sector employees swap time off for more money in a bid to boost employment and incomes.

French lawmakers passed a bill which allows employers to increase working hours an additional 220 hours a year. This will put their work week closer to 40 hours.

The former Socialist government installed the 35-hour work week policy a few years ago, and what happened as a result was no surprise to me. France could not be competitive working only 35 hours a week.

The reduction in weekly hours was supposed to reduce unemployment and it did - in the short-term. But, just like raising the minimum wage rate, it didn't work. Unemployment is high in France at 10 percent.

Sure, it would be nice to have to work only 35 hours a week. I'd love that. But, anyone who works only 35 hours is not going to be particularly successful in life. Call me old fashioned, but in my opinion, hard work is the way to get ahead in today's world.

I'm lucky if I work less than 50 hours in a week and sometimes it turns into 70. But, that's how people become successful. Sure, there are people who work 30 or 40 hours and are doing just fine, but I want more for me and my family. Also, I'm hoping there will come a day when I can retire comfortably. I don't think working 35 hours a week would get me there.

How many hours a week do you work? Why?

posted by Dash | 10:05 AM | |

Bird hunters all over the country, especially in the south are changing their chokes in their shotguns, getting their camo laid out, practicing their yelps and clucks and doing a little pre-season recon in the woods.

They're getting ready for spring turkey season.

In Texas, all the preparation should be well worth it. The forecast for plenty of long-bearded gobblers is good.

It has been a wet winter and turkeys really respond to rain. According to the Texas Parks and Wildlife, we've had several good years of rain which generally translates into good hatches. From what I've seen and heard, there are bunches of turkeys out there.

The dominant subspecies in Texas is the Rio Grande turkey. There are estimates of hundreds of thousands of these - mostly in Central and South Texas regions. The other two subspecies in our state are the Merriams turkeys out in far West Texas and the Eastern turkeys in the pine thickets and hardwood bottoms of (you guessed it) East Texas.

Why hunt turkeys in the spring? It's the same reason we hunt most animals when we do. Springtime is breeding season for the wily birds. It's the time when the toms (male turkeys) are looking for love with the hens. It's really the only time of the year the hens will give the members of the opposite sex the time of day. So, the trophy tom is easier to call in during this time than at any other time of year.

A good turkey hunter will use any legal means he can find to lure a lovesick longbeard to within shooting range. He'll use any strategy to make that tom think he is in the presence of a lovely hen who is calling his name. Come on over here big boy and show me what you got.

The trick to successful turkey hunting is in the mastery of the calling. Knowing how and when to call is crucial. Success comes with hours of listening to real turkeys talking to each other in the wild and hours of practicing how to make the same sounds. Of course there are audio and video tapes you can use to help teach the basics. But, the experienced callers have logged a lot of time in the turkey's domain.

The calling is the "software" you'll need to be able to be successful. The hardware is probably similar to any other hunting stuff the typical upland hunter would use.

The shotgun can be of almost any type, but the most common is a 12 gauge. The gun should be able to chamber a 3-inch magnum shell and you're going to want to use a No. 4 load. If you're not sure which load to use, just ask the guy at the sporting goods store for "turkey loads."

Turkey decoys have become very popular lately. They work very well for holding a tom's attention and to get him into shooting range. A spooky tom will be very apprehensive moving toward a hen that he thinks he hears, but cannot see. So, put a decoy out there about thirty yards out. Just be sure to shoot the right turkey when the time comes. Those things are pretty lifelike and they don't hold up to the shot any better than the real thing.

For talkin' turkey, the easiest call to learn and master is the box call. It's typically a small box with a piece of slate on one side that you scrape a stick across to make the sound. A box call can squawk and yelp with the best of them, but they take two hands to operate. That could be a problem if a tom sneaks up on you and you don't have your gun ready. Most hardened turkey hunters I know use a mouth call sometimes called a diaphram call. You put it in your mouth and blow across it to make the sounds. It's harder to master, but it's hands free. That's worth a lot.

Good camo is a must. Turkeys have keen eyesight and you want to be able to blend in with whatever kinds of trees and brush you're hunting in. A see-through camo hood and camo gloves are good, too. The better you blend into the background, the better chance you'll have to get that gobbler in close enough for a good shot.

In Texas, you'll need a good bug repellent. Mosquitos and ticks are starting to come out and you'll be very unhappy if you spook a giant turkey because you have to swat a bug. Be careful to not sit in a fire anthill, too. You'll remember that one for a while.

Well, now you're ready to get out there and call up a big one. Let the tomfoolery begin.

posted by Dash | 5:50 AM | |

I like to hunt which means I invariably get to do some mud hoggin', four-wheelin', whatever you want to call it. Sometimes I get to do it when I actually want to. Usually though, it's a case of getting from Point A to Point B in the muddiest way possible, and not necessarily by choice.

My experience is usually by four wheel drive truck or Jeep, or by four-wheeler. Either way, it's fun.

My friend Tanker at Mostly Cajun has a great story about going through some rough terrain including some serious mud and water. He was a tank trainer in the Army at Fort Knox.

...we rumbled off into the training area, acres of rolling clay interspersed with clumps of trees, a few low, water-filled ponds, a few graded roads and a plethora of deep water-filled ruts. For the next hour and a half, we ran all over the place, running in and out of ditches that would swallow a pickup truck, splashing through ruts, just having a great time. Think of a fifty-ton four-wheeler, a half-million-dollar toy.

Now, that had to be fun. Go read the whole story. It's a good one.

posted by Dash | 8:12 AM | |

Well, I was all ready to head north to the Big D today to meet the throngs scheduled to get together at the Texas Blogfest. Yep, I had the Silverado loaded, full tank of gas, cash in my pocket, and maps to the destinations.

I was going to leave work at about one o'clock so I could be sure to get to the motel in time to get spruced up and get over to the meetin' place by 7. It's normally about a 4 hour trip to Dallas from Austin, but I wanted to allow myself enough time to fight rush hour traffic, look around a little, and generally get my bearings.

I'm not as familiar with Dallas as I am some of the other big cities in Texas such as Houston or San Antonio. So, when I know I'm heading that way, I try to be as geographically prepared as possible. It's the uncertainty of knowing exactly where I am that becomes disconcerting to me. I guess I'm kind of phobic about that sort of thing.

It's not a desire to get somewhere early, but more a feeling of comfort just knowing where I am in the world and having a pretty good feel for how long it should take me to get somewhere under normal circumstances.

But, my plans were changed for me this morning. My boss came into my office and informed me that a very important client had just decided to come into town from Baltimore on Monday. I've been working on a rather complex proposal for this client for a few weeks and was getting ready for an end of the month presentation. This is a $20 million project and I've just had about 10 days cut off of my deadline.

No need to panic... I'm nearly ready. But, I'll have to work this weekend to tie any loose ends and finalize the numbers. Although it has been a very good year for us so far, deals like this don't come along every day. Am I pissed? Sure, but you gotta do what you gotta do. It's not like I can say no - I can't work this weekend because I'm going to a blogmeet.

First of all, they wouldn't have a clue what that meant. Second, they wouldn't care. Business is business. Period. I had to miss the funeral of one of my best friend's father last week because I couldn't get away from the office for a day. Sometimes you just have to bow out. Taking care of my family comes first and that means taking care of my job.

I really can't complain. I do get three weeks of paid vacation and the odd Friday or Monday off to go hunting, fishing, play golf, or whatever. But, when the work is there, we have to be ready to perform. I don't think that's unusual in today's business world.

So, priorities prevail. I'll be working this weekend instead of consuming mass quantities of adult beverages and smoking Cohiba's at dusk with my Texas blogging compadres. I'll not be going to the shooting range to see how many .357 mag wad cutters I can run through my revolver. I'll not be going to Billy Bob's to drink more Shiner Bocks and do the two-step.

But, I will be thinking about you guys and gals, as I'm sure you'll be thinking about me. I hope you all have a great time and let's do it again soon. I'll be there... I hope.

posted by Dash | 12:30 PM | |

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.

Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Texas.

Our DIPSTICKS are all located in Washington DC !

posted by Dash | 3:30 PM | |

I've had a mild headache for the last few days. I don't know if it's from allergies or if I have a cold. I don't get migraines, thank God, but I know several people who do. I think sometimes they would do just about anything to get rid of the pain.

I read this one and thought that must have been one powerful headache.

Shamelessly stolen from this morning's e-mailbag.


The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure. "

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...10-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."

Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

ALWAYS get a second opinion.

posted by Dash | 10:10 AM | |

Tammi at Road Warrior Survival sent me to a good post today. It's funny and you should go by and read it. The story is about a Marine who goes into a store to buy some supplies and gets some interesting looks and comments regarding the unusual supplies he is buying.

It reminded me of another story I read a while back about a guy who had to do the unmanly thing of going to the store to buy feminine products for his wife. Sometimes we have to put our machismo aside and just do it. I mean, what are you going to do?

Before I got married, I was working in a town that was about 4 hours away from where my fiancée was attending school. We decided to wait for her to get out of school before we got married. That turned out to be a good decision, but it put a strain on our time together.

Every weekend, one of us would make the trip to see the other. It made for a lot of highway time, but it was worth it to be able to see each other for a couple of days before we had to go back to the real world of work and school each week.

One weekend when she was visiting my house, she informed me that the time of the month had started for her and that she was unprepared. This was unusual for her. I always said she would have made a great boy scout, because she was always prepared. Sheepishly, she asked if I would be so kind as to go to the store and buy her a box of mini-pads or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

With some consternation, I agreed. So, off I went to the local Stop-N-Rob to procure the needed products. I was on a mission!

It was at about 7 pm on a Saturday night, so the place was getting busy with people buying supplies for a night of partying, i.e. beer, wine, ice, cigarettes, snacks, etc.

When I got to the aisle where the feminine products were stocked, I was trying to be as nonchalant as possible. But, how do you do that when you don't really know what you're looking for in the first place? For instance, what's the difference between maxi and mini? Are all tampons the same? What's the deal with those little wings? I had to pick up the boxes and read what was inside. They don't teach you this in business school, folks. The horror! The horror!

I finally made a decision and made my way to the checkout counter. I thought about maybe trying to buy some beer and a football magazine, or maybe a bag of chips to kind of camouflage the real reason for the trip. But, I figured, screw it. I don't care if anybody sees me buying this. What the hell, right? I’ll just pay for my box of goodies and be on my merry way.

About the time I got to the cashier with my Stay-Free Mini-Pads, the guy in front of me looked back at me and kind of snickered. I kept my cool. He was carrying a twelve-pack of beer and he asked the cashier for a copy of the latest Penthouse magazine. Then he looked back at me with my pads and let out a little laugh again.

Now, at 6'-2", 200 lbs, I'm not a little guy. But this dude was at least 6'-5" and had to weigh in at 240. He looked to be a little younger than I was, too. But, he had pissed me off and I had to do something.

So, I just looked him square in the eyes, held up my box for everyone to see and said rather loudly, "Hey, man! …I've got me a real live woman! What do you have?"

Everyone in the store stopped, looked at me, then looked at him with his beer and Penthouse, and burst out laughing.

I guess he realized the irony in the situation, instantly turned red with embarrassment, and lit out as fast as he could.

I confidently paid for my stuff. The cashier and others were still laughing and cheering as I walked out the door. I was just hoping the guy wasn't sitting out there waiting for me.

He wasn't and I made it back home to a very appreciative lady. Mission accomplished. I am da man!

posted by Dash | 10:20 AM | |

The roads in Louisiana get hot... even this time of year.

Lafayette police were forced to shut down a portion of Willow Street at the Evangeline Thruway Monday evening. Fire officials say an 18-wheeler loaded with Louisiana Hot Sauce began leaking its liquid cargo onto the roadway. Firemen say they not only succeeded in hosing off the road, they also ended up inhaling enough of the hot sauce to clear out their sinuses. This was apparently the second time in the same day that the truck's cargo of hot sauce containers ruptured for some reason and began leaking.

If I know the people in Lafayette, they were out there scooping it up with buckets. You just don't let that stuff go to waste.

posted by Dash | 6:00 AM | |

Everybody's favorite feminist Susan Estrich is seeking a new low. You can usually find her spewing her leftist feminist bile on any number of TV talk shows. In her column, she has sunk to the level of hate-speak and threats.

George Washington University Law School Professor and syndicated columnist Jonathan Turley seethes over Estrich's vicious attack against LA Times Opinion Editor Michael Kinsley. Apparently, it wasn't enough that she's been complaining that the LA Times hasn't published enough articles by women and refuses to publish her work. Now, Estrich has gotten personal, and really crossed the line.

Turley writes that Estrich used the fact that Kinsley is suffering from Parkinson's disease as "easy fodder for her attacks on the newspaper." She stated that Kinsley's failure to publish women like herself is evidence that "your illness may have affected your brain, your judgement, and your ability to do your job." Estrich went on to warn Kinsley that he is "digging a grave for [him]self" by refusing to publish her feminist tirades. If that's not bad enough, as Prof. Turley writes, there's more:

"Described in the press as "belligerent" and "semiliterate," Ms. Estrich's tirades became increasing unhinged after it became clear that Mr. Kinsley would not yield to her ultimatums. Indeed, at one point, Ms. Estrich went to all caps in offering Mr. Kinsley "ONE MORE CHANCE BEFORE I GO PUBLIC." Before one charity event, she asked menacingly, "you want me to work that dinner about what an [expletive] you are?" After descending to calling Kinsley a "jerk," "fool" and other names, Ms. Estrich turned on Times Editor John Carroll when he complained to her that her attacks on Mr. Kinsley showed "extravagant malice." She responded by claiming defamation and telling him to expect a call from her lawyer."

Sheesh...and they say the right wingers are hateful and evil. Is this how feminists act whenever they can't get their way? Talk about kicking someone in the gut when he's already down.

Don't misunderstand. I'm no fan of Michael Kinsley, but I'd say he might have a defamation case against her. Criticise the guy all you want, but let's keep the personal attacks on his illness out of it.

In my opinion, Kinsley is showing a high level of intelligence and integrity by not caving in to her form of terrorism.

posted by Dash | 3:05 PM | |

MADRID, Spain (CNN) -- Muslim clerics in Spain have issued what they called the world's first fatwa, or Islamic edict, against Osama bin Laden as the country marked the first anniversary of the Madrid train bombings that killed 191 people.

One year ago, Madrid was hit by Islamofascists tied to Osama Bin Laden. This happened right before elections in Spain ostensibly to sway voters. It worked.

What is curious is that although we all know that the terrorists call themselves Muslim, the Muslim leaders have not publicly come out against these terrorists.

All we hear is how peaceful Muslims are and that true followers of the Koran would not perpetrate such violent acts. They say these terrorists are not true Muslims although they call themselves such.

Why haven't they done whatever possible to help fight these terrorists?

Well, maybe this stance in Spain is the start of something good. The good people of the world need all the help they can get to fight this.

posted by Dash | 1:32 PM | |

Father Duhon, a priest is in the local Catholic church in Thibodaux, was hearing confessions one Saturday afternoon.

In walks Boudreaux, "Padre, it has been two weeks since my last confession and this is my sin. Last night I had sex with Nookie Green."

"That is your sin?"

"Yep, Padre."

"You are forgiven. Go out and say one Our Father."

Boudreaux gets up and leaves.

Soon after that, Thibodaux enters and kneels.

"Padre, it has been a month since my last confession; this is my sin. I had sex with NookieGreen every week for the last month."

The priest thinks to himself this Nookie Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners.

"Those are your sins?"

"Yep, Padre."

"You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Thibodaux gets up and leaves.

Soon after that, Gauthreaux enters and kneels down.

"Padre, it has been six months since my last confession; this is my sin.

I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last six months."

This time, the priest has to ask, "Who is this Nookie Green?"

"Mais", Gauthreaux replies, "Just a beautiful gal dat I know, Padre."

"Very well-you are forgiven. Go out and say ten Hail Mary's."

Father Duhon closes the church for the evening and leaves wondering who this Nookie Green woman is.

The next morning, the priest is up in front of his congregation saying Mass. The doors fly open in the back of the church and in walks this beautiful woman; a tall redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather coming from it.

She walks straight up the aisle, winking at Boudreaux, Thibodaux, and Gauthreaux, then sits down in the very front pew, right in front of Father Duhon, with her knees apart.

Father Duhon cannot help but stop and stare. He finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar boy, "Pssssst.. Is that Nookie Green?"

The altar boy (T Boy) has a look and says, "Mais non Padre, dat's just the reflection off her shoes."

posted by Dash | 11:21 AM | |

Dan Rather retired this week. Yeah, right. Really, he was fired. And it was about 10 years too late if you ask me. CBS is trying to save face by letting him bow out semi-gracefully. But we all know there’s no way they were going to be able to get away with letting him stay on any longer.

It’s no secret I have never liked Dan. Even though he’s a Texan, I can’t stand the guy. To paraphrase Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks, “Just so you know, I’m ashamed he’s from Texas.”

Dan shouldn’t have been fired years ago because he’s a left-winger. He should have been fired because he’s had the lowest ratings of any anchor for that long or longer. From a business standpoint, it’s been crazy to keep him that long.

His defenders say it’s such a shame that his brilliant career will be marred and unfairly judged on one foul up. I say bullshit! This link shows how he’s been biased since day one. One of his former co-workers, Mike Wallace said his performances were “contrived.”

Here is a good site showing some cartoons of Rather.

Jonah Goldberg has a good one about Dan today. It points out the fact that Rather’s biggest flaw was his insistence that he was totally objective. Anybody who listened to him for more than a couple of minutes could tell he was not.

I have no objection to journalists having biases, much as I have no objection to two plus two equaling four. One may choose to accept the fact or not, but it is a fact nonetheless. Dan Rather, however, always insisted his reporting was bias-free, that he was calling the facts, and just the facts. His career as anchor ended in large part because he couldn't accept that something he had reported wasn't true and that he had rushed to report it because of an agenda that wasn't stamped with an "I." The irony is that that's what his career was always about.

So, b-bye, Dan. I hope we don't have to hear about how unbiased you were anymore. That dog won't hunt... especially here in Texas.

posted by Dash | 10:07 AM | |

Zonker tagged me with this one and I've seen it going around lately. Like Zonker and others, I've been pretty busy with work and such, so I haven't really had a chance to respond until tonight.

I like to read, but I've never been a voracious reader of books. I'm more of a newspaper and magazine reader, but like most folks, I've read a few books that I liked and maybe I can remember a few. Anyway, here goes...

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Yes, Maxine Robichaux

The last book you bought is:

American Soldier - Gen. Tommy Franks

The last book you read:

How to Talk to a Liberal - Ann Coulter

What are you currently reading?

American Soldier - Gen. Tommy Franks

Five books you would take to a deserted island.

1. Life Its Ownself - Dan Jenkins
2. The New Testament - King James Version
3. The Handbook of Sailboat Building - Bob Bond
4. Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
5. Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut

Now...let's pass it along to three more people:

I'll stop this one here since I think everyone else I know has already done it. If anybody wants to do it, let me know and I'll come read it.

posted by Dash | 8:25 PM | |

Texans love beans. I've found they're partial to pinto beans, but any bean is better than no beans. The only argument against them can often be heard when talking about proper Texas chili.

Some say real chili should have beans and other "purists" cry blasphemy. Personally, I like beans in my chili, but I love beans. Period!

Texans eat beans with Tex-Mex food in the form of either refried or "charro" beans. With barbecue, we eat mostly pinto or black beans.

Growing up in Louisiana, red beans and rice were standard table fare at least twice a month. I think that usually had something to do with getting close to pay day when money was getting short. Some folks I knew got paid every week; therefore, they ate red beans every week - usually the day before pay day. See how that works?

Anyway, beans are legumes. You say, what in the world is a legume? All cooked and dry beans, peas, and soybean products are considered legumes. These include pinto beans, kidney beans, black beans, navy beans, lima beans, butterbeans, split peas, chick peas, black-eyed peas, crowder peas, lintels, and (believe it or not) tofu.

I probably missed a few, but you get the picture. There are lots of different kinds of legumes. Why are they so good?

I'm not too sure about the tofu, but since my granddaddy was a soybean farmer, I'll not cast any aspersions that way. Soybeans were very good to my family for a long time.

Legumes are chock full of nutrients, a lot of which we don't get in other types of foods. In fact… legumes are "good for you." You already knew that, didn't you?

They have lots of protein, fiber, potassium, folate (folic acid), zinc, magnesium, iron and calcium. They're a powerful supply of dietary fiber. That's got to be good.

Legumes are low in fat and calories, high in complex carbohydrates, and most doctors and nutritionists say that eating them could help prevent heart disease and some types of cancer. That's good enough reason for me, notwithstanding the fact that they taste good.

Throw some soaked or dry beans in a crock pot with some bacon, salt pork or a hambone, some seasoning, chopped onion, garlic and a chopped jalapeño pepper and some water. You'll have some good eats in two or three hours.

The kicker is the recommended dietary guidelines say you should eat three cups of legumes a week. That’s good news for farmers, but bad news for your loved ones and coworkers. Make sure you have plenty of Febreze for your chair.

Bon appetite!

posted by Dash | 5:55 AM | |

I work in a somewhat typical office setting where people run around doing their tasks here and there. We have a couple of community high-speed printers that most everyone uses sometime during the course of a normal day. So, people are constantly running to and from those.

We have proposals being produced and going out the door almost daily. With that we have a lot of systems of checking and double-checking info that goes into a business proposal. There are sometimes a lot of people going in and out of different people's offices, etc.

Luckily, I have a regular office with a door that I can close if I really need to focus on a particular project or task. But, I think the closed door thing can be over used - especially if you have people who depend on you for guidance and advice during the day.

So, I don't usually close my door. On occasion, certain people come around to just bullshit or kill time which I can understand, but most of the time, I would rather be working on something than have to listen to a co-worker drone on and on about how his dog crapped on the floor last night and how his wife made him get up and clean it at midnight. Yada, yada, yada.

I've become pretty good at learning how to nonverbally get the point across that I need to get back to what I was working on and tell them to leave. But, I read a pretty good one today that gave me a few more ideas. Some of these will probably get you into more trouble than just telling someone to leave so you can get back to work, but I thought they were pretty funny anyway.

Shamelessly stolen from here.

The Thousand Yard Stare
When you're done listening, but your conversational counterpart isn't done talking, consider the Thousand Yard Stare. Simply gaze at something way in the distance. Even if there's nothing but an unadorned wall behind them. This is so unnerving that most people stop talking almost immediately. The effect increases exponentially the farther you direct your eyes from their face. Staring directly over their shoulder is the most subtle and the farther your eyes stray from theirs, the more intense the effect. For additional oomph, throw in the Slack Jaw, where you breathe through your open mouth while staring into the distance.

The Slow Clap
The Slow Clap is exactly what it sounds like. S l o w c l a p p i n g. When your conversational counterpart says something particularly inane, the Slow Clap may save you some words you'd later regret. Three claps, adequately spaced, is usually sufficient to drive the point home. Use sparingly, as this technique drips with sarcasm and, when used unwittingly, will cost you friends. This is such an audible technique that somebody ought to include an example in their podcast.

The Stand
This is a powerful classic. Sometimes you've just got to get someone out of your office/cubicle so you can resume your solitare game. When other tactics fail, turn to The Stand. It's simple to implement. Just stand up. Take it easy, though. Too fast and you look like you're about to rush to the restroom. Too slow and you look like you're stretching your legs. No need to say anything upon rising. Just stand. If you're cramped for space when you stand up, don't give in--they'll move. Often they'll just say so long and be gone. If they don't take the hint, place your hand on the door to your office, or the edge of your cubicle opening. If all else fails, take advantage of their need to draw a breath and say, "Well, thanks for stopping by."

The Lip Smack
I must admit, this is a personal favorite. So much a favorite that it's lost some of it's effectiveness around my office. Everyone knows what I'm doing and they just make fun of me. I hope it works out better for you. To implement the Lip Smack, simply pretend that you're chewing gum loudly. The slower the better. Envision a cow chewing cud--that's about the rhythm you're aiming for. Don't be afraid to show that tongue. If your conversational counterpart hasn't witnessed the Lip Smack before, they'll be temporarily struck dumb. As I mentioned, this effect eventually wears off and they begin to make fun of you. You'll become a caricature of yourself. So don't overdo it.

The Fast Walk
Nothing says "urgency" like The Fast Walk. Incorporate The Fast Walk into your daily routine and watch people stay away from you. Turn it on as soon as you park the car at the office. The Fast Walk says you're busy. Combined with crossed arms, it says you're really, really angry. Unless you're walking in the direction of the restroom--use your own imagination to understand the unspoken message here.

Febrezeing
There isn't a lot to say here. If people see you spraying Febreze on the seat of your chair, they won't come around much anymore. By the way, Febreze really does work!

I think I'll stop now. You can see the downward spiral that's happening here. Anyway, these are just a few tips learned along the flourescent illumined corridors of my working life. Hope it's helpful along your way. Of course, there are many, many more bits of body language that you'll encounter at work. Some are explicit, others more subtle. We may revisit this another time.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

posted by Dash | 10:56 AM | |

Every so many years we start hearing about the "unfairness" of today's wages. Well, here we go again. The politicians (mostly democrats) are at the altar again begging for new legislation to raise the federally mandated minimum wage.

Thank goodness their proposal failed this time. But, it will be back again. It always resurfaces and it always spells bad news for our economy.

The fact is that minimum wage legislation is and always has been the result of special-interest politics. Behind all the rhetoric about how it's all about fairness and economic justice is more self-serving politics. If the politicians appear to be interested in raising the standard of living, they'll garner more votes from the poor which will help them become elected.

Never mind that the pure economics of enforcing a minimum wage never backs up what they claim to be trying to accomplish. In fact, the end result is always the opposite.

In the real world, the federal government has no business forcing employers to pay a minimum wage. It flies in the face of basic economic laws. The market should dictate what a wage should be. Wages are affected by the laws of supply and demand just like any other goods and services.

The demagogues say it's unfair to expect a person making minimum wage to support a family. They say there is no way a person can or should have to try to do so.

I agree. Nobody could or should try to support a family on $5.15 an hour. That's not really the point, though. If I were making minimum wage and it wasn't enough to support my family, I’d do something to help myself make more money. Either that or I wouldn't create a family if I had no means to support one.

Minimum wage is not designed to be enough for a person to be able to support a family. It is for entry level workers and young workers to have a place to start in their careers. If you want to make more, you should do the necessary things to make yourself more valuable to an employer. Things such as education and skill accumulation do that – not sitting around hoping the government will raise your pay over time.

The politicians know (at least I hope they know) that forcing employers to pay their lowest skilled employees more is bad for business, which in turn is bad for the low skilled employees. But, since it's a political move, they turn their head to simple economic principles.

Think about it. Let's suppose I'm a small business owner who hires unskilled laborers to perform certain tasks (usually students or uneducated laborers), and I have a limited amount of money in my budget to be able to do this. If the government makes me pay those people a dollar an hour more, I have two major problems right off the bat.

First of all, I'm not going to be able to hire as many of those kinds of workers. I just don't have the money. Second, my skilled workers who are making a few dollars an hour more than the unskilled ones are going to demand an equal raise. Why shouldn't they? Also, now I’m going to have to make a more skilled, higher paid worker perform those tasks usually performed by the lower skilled ones. That's inefficient use of resources. Can you start to see the snowball rolling downhill and gathering speed?

Another scenario is let's say I go ahead and keep the same number of employees and pay them the higher than market wages. The money will have to come from somewhere, so I raise my prices on whatever it is that I produce. This is called cost-push inflation.

This causes two major problems. One, I'm now less competitive in my industry which will lead to fewer sales and less revenue generated. (Read less money to pay wages.) Two, whatever increase in wages my employees have gotten will be eaten up by increased prices of goods in general. Wage earners are consumers, too.

There are lots of secondary and tertiary negative effects of artificially raising wages; but, I won’t get into them today. You're probably already tired of hearing about it, but I think you should get the point.

From an economic sense, forcing employers to raise wages does low wage employees no good in the end. In fact, it ultimately hurts them. But, we still hear the politicians ranting and raving about how terrible it is to not pay employees more.

Maybe one day people will come to the correct conclusion that minimum wages are bad for everyone. Period. I’m not going to hold my breath on that one, though.

posted by Dash | 3:09 PM | |

A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 20 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 20 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" "We heard one woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains".

Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?

The proud father answers, "15 pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds the day he was born!"

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had'm circumcised."

posted by Dash | 7:37 AM | |

Sadie has probably already heard about this one.

IGN FilmForce has learned that none other than Oscar-winner Quentin Tarantino is in final negotiations to write and direct the Ultimate Jason Voorhees Movie, an all new Friday the 13th for New Line.

If anybody can pull that off, it's Tarantino. Stand by.

posted by Dash | 6:02 AM | |

In January 1994, Canada, the United States and Mexico launched the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) and formed the world's largest free trade area. Whether you love it or hate it, it has become a way of life for a lot of us.

A major travel corridor for thousands of trucks is Interstate 35 which is more than 1,500 miles long and runs from the Mexican border at Laredo, Texas to Duluth, Minnesota. It intersects every major east/west interstate highway from I-10 in San Antonio to I-94 in Minnesota.

Some of the major cities along this route are Austin, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Oklahoma City, Wichita, KS, Kansas City, MO, Des Moines, IA, and Minneapolis/St. Paul.

I know I-35 is busy because I drive on it every day during my travels through and around Austin. Also, I often drive to either San Antonio or Dallas. Believe me - there are a lot of 18- wheelers going up and down that interstate at all hours.

How do the trucking companies keep track of all those trucks? These days, time is money and if I owned a large trucking company, I'd want to be able to put my finger on any particular truck at any time.

With GPS, this is possible. Global Positioning System technology is nothing new. Many long-haul trucking companies have been using it for several years. But, the trend is growing.

Now, the use of GPS is broadening to include companies that dispatch large numbers of drivers and technicians in building trades who cover a relatively large geographical area.

I'm sure the technicians and drivers don't particularly appreciate being monitored constantly while they're on the clock, but from an employer's standpoint, it makes sense. I can already hear the complaints, but the way I see it, if you work for me and I'm paying you good money to perform a service, I want to be sure you're actually working those hours. It's strictly business and not personal.

UPS is going to issue a computer with GPS installed to all of their delivery truck drivers this year. The company says these will not be used to monitor employees, but will instead be used to alert a driver who is at a wrong address or to help him find a difficult address more efficiently. I suppose this is true, but making sure your employees are where they are supposed to be is an added bonus to UPS.

Also, I've heard car rental companies are starting to install GPS in their rental units and shuttle buses so they can be sure to know where their property is at all times.

People say this is just another example of Big Brother continuing to get into your business more and more every day. I say yes, but it's not going to go away, so we should get used to it.

posted by Dash | 3:00 PM | |

Neal Boortz had a post on Friday about what's going on with rising oil prices and what we need to do to offset impending rising gasoline prices.

Right now oil is over $50 per barrel and gas is running around $2.00 per gallon depending on where you happen to live. Down here in Texas, the cheap stuff is about $1.80 per gallon.

Since I drive about 40,000 miles a year, I'm very interested in this issue. I don't know anyone who isn't affected by oil prices in some way. You'd be surprised how many products we use every day that are oil related.

OPEC officials are predicting $80 oil in the next two years. Also, Iran is threatening to cause an oil crisis if the UN applies sanctions regarding their blatant nuclear proliferation. If that happens, a lot of us are going to be in trouble.

It's time for us to stop depending so much on Arab oil. We need to go ahead and start drilling in Alaska at the ANWR.

There are estimates of between 6 and 16 billion barrels of oil there that we could produce for ourselves instead of being held hostage by Iran and other OPEC countries. Drilling in ANWR would affect 8% of the area, which means 92% would be untouched.

Of course there are other things we need to do to help stabilize gas prices. One is to build more gasoline refineries here. This would stabilize the supply and bring prices down. These seasonal shortages would disappear if we had more refineries.

Yes, they're ugly and stinky; but, we need them if we want to have reasonably priced gasoline. You know, paper mills stink, too. But, we still build them because we still want to be able to buy cheap paper products.

Another thing we should do is make the EPA and all 50 states agree upon one blend of gasoline that fits most uses. Right now the industry has to produce dozens of different blends to meet different emissions laws across the country.

Let's simplify this and help stabilize pricing across the country. It doesn't make sense for people in California to have to pay 30% more for gasoline just because their whacko lawmakers see fit to require special blends of gasoline.

I agree that while these ideas make perfect sense, it won't happen until gasoline hits three or four dollars per gallon. Then, the consumers will force these changes to happen.

Why wait until there is a crisis? It's time to do it now.

posted by Dash | 12:28 PM | |

I've been thinking about blog families and relationships today. What got me thinking about it was a comment I left over at Eric the Straight White Guy who is one of my blog grandfathers. This is by virtue of Eric being one of Christina'a blog fathers. Christina of Feisty Repartee is my blog mother, as it was she who got me started with this addiction.

All of this sounds okay in the blogging sense; but, in the real world, Eric is younger than Christina who is younger than I am. At least Uncle Acidman is older than all of us. Sorry Rob, that's just the way it is.

While pondering this situation, I was reminded of a song I've heard by several artists over the years. The most recent rendition was by Willie Nelson and it goes something like this.

Many many years ago
when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red,
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life,
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad,
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run,
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue,
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild,
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

"Chorus"
I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know, but it really is so,
I'm my own grandpa!

Composed by Moe Jaffe and Dwight Latham
Has been performed by
Lonzo & Oscar, Guy Lombardo, Benny Hill, many others.

posted by Dash | 10:35 AM | |

In the summer of 1981, I was a student at LSU in Baton Rouge. I remember that particular summer because several things happened that were seared into my head and will be with me for the rest of my days no matter how many brain cells I kill by pouring expensive whiskey down my neck.

I think the searing was a direct result of the incredible heat wave we endured that summer. We had something like 30 days of over 100 degree heat. If you know that town, you know that it's not necessarily the temperature that makes it so bad, but the constant 90 percent humidity. That combined with 100 degree heat is rough.

You can become literally soaked from sweat in a matter of seconds. If you don't have air conditioning in your car and you have to wear a suit to work, you may as well drive to work in your underwear and wait until you get inside the A/C to get dressed. Otherwise, you'll be drenched all day long. This is not an exaggeration either.

I was taking a couple of classes in the mornings and I had a part-time job during the afternoons working for a landscaping company. The reason I remember how many days of extreme heat we had that summer was that I was in it.

An older fraternity (graduate) brother had his own landscaping business and we were his hired labor. That job was brutal. It's one thing if you're used to working in those conditions, but we were your typical spoiled college frat rats who never did anything more strenuous during the regular school year than cut the grass around the fraternity house and play a little basketball in the evenings before supper. Our main source of exercise was playing cards while doing a lot of 12 ounce curls.

This job was murder. But, it was beer money. If there's anything more important to a college frat boy than having beer money, I never heard about it. So, we did it. The hours were flexible and the money wasn't bad. I never was the type who wanted to work nights at a bar or restaurant as a bartender or waiter/cook. I treasured my nighttime hours of freedom.

One Friday night, one of my brothers and I were making the bar rounds and at about midnight we happened upon a couple of lovely young coeds who were having a big time shooting pool and enjoying a few adult beverages.

My buddy informed me that he knew one of them from one of his classes, so we started talking to them and they invited us to join them for a couple games of 8-Ball and a couple of brews.

Just about the time we all really started getting to know each other, the clock struck 2 a.m. and the bar closed for the night as is the law there. Well, what a quandary we found ourselves in. We were just getting wound up and ready to party and they turned out the damn lights on our night.

We thought about going across the Mississippi River into the next parish where the bars stay open until 4 a.m. But, that really wasn't the best of places to take a couple of fine upstanding college coeds at that time of the morning. So, that idea was quickly nixed.

In jest, I said, "Let's go to the beach." Knowing the nearest decent beach was in Biloxi, some two hours away, I thought everybody would say, "Yeah, right", and just forget about it and go home.

Much to my surprise, my brother and the two young ladies in concert said, "Let's go!"

So, without another word, we loaded up in my pickup truck, drove by everyone's apartment for a few overnight items, swimsuits, etc, and we were headed east down I-10.

We got about halfway there before we realized we barely had enough money between us to buy gas and keep us in beer and burgers for more than 24 hours. Not to worry, we'd make due. After all, we were on a "Road Trip!"

When we got there, it was probably close to 5 a.m. and we didn't have enough money for a room. So, I drove my truck onto the beach, we pulled out our lounge chairs and some towels and crashed right there in front of the Holiday Inn. The sky was as clear as it could be and the cool air coming off the water was like heaven. We were worn out, but we stayed awake long enough for us to realize we were probably four of the luckiest people in the world.

We woke up a few hours later when the sun came up. After shaking a few cobwebs from our brains we looked around. I don't know how many of you have ever been on the beach at daybreak, but it is amazing. The sound of the waves crashing on the sand, the smell of the salty air and the feel of the gentle breeze across you face are things that cannot be described.

We were happy to be there. It was cathartic. We were young and free. Nobody knew where we were, and we didn't care. As far as we were concerned, we were on a well deserved hideaway vacation somewhere in the Caribbean. It was a great feeling.

We spent the rest of the day on the beach drinking beer, eating hamburgers and just kind of hanging out. It was a blast.

Late that Saturday afternoon when we decided to head back to civilization, we walked up to the Holiday Inn across the highway and borrowed their pool and outside shower one last time. We stopped at the gas station and put our last five bucks into the tank and went home. What a memory.

Next time I'll tell you about another road trip the four of us made to Austin later that same summer.

posted by Dash | 3:20 PM | |

I know it's not a sexy subject and most people don't really care. But, as a businessman, taxpayer and a parent in this state, I am interested in what we're doing to better educate our children.

The debate on school finance continues at the Texas Capitol this week. As our esteemed state lawmakers fight it out, it's important to understand that improving our public school system will not be accomplished by changing the way we finance it. But, we keep hearing the same old tired line about how we would have better education if we would only give them some more money.

Records show that the state of Texas has made great strides in public education over the last 20 years. Currently, reading and math achievements of fourth and eighth-grade public school students are higher than the national average. That's a good thing.

The problem is that the quality of our primary education system is not being sustained. By the time students get through high school, more than half lack the skills needed to get them through college-level coursework and the high school dropout rate is more than 30 percent.

Quite simply, the system fails the students and consequently, it fails the Texas employers who need an educated workforce.

History shows that when the legislature is faced with the issues of funding and reforming the education system, it comes through with the funding, but the reform is put on the back burner only to be forgotten about later.

As a result, all of the politicians feel good about spending the money on the kids, but the results are always the same - poor.

What can be done to improve this situation?

Some Texas business owners and managers are very interested in this issue and have put forth the following reforms.

Rewarding Student Success
Incentives are often successful in the real world to motivate employees. Why not incorporate some incentives for students who achieve certain performance levels? Also, let's reward teachers who show exceptional improvement of at-risk students.

Establishing Consequences for Failing Schools
If we reward schools and teachers who are doing well, we must also provide assistance to low performance schools. Then, to take it a step farther, we must apply serious consequences for unacceptable schools.

Paying for Performance
The salary scale for teachers is currently based on academic credentials and seniority. This method of compensation needs to be restructured to provide increased pay for teachers who achieve exemplary student performance. There needs to be real incentive for teachers to excel. In the business world, higher pay is typically the reward for greater performance. Why not use this as a model?

Removing Barriers to Quality Teaching
School administrators need to have the ability to control the quality of staff and they must have access to an adequate supply of competent candidates. Accountability cannot be tied to the schools unless districts are given more local authority. We complain about the bad teachers, but we don't give the administrators the power or authority to replace them with good teachers.

Obviously this is a political as well as an emotional issue. Those of us who have been interested in school reform are getting restless. Privatizing schools is one answer we hear when discussing the problems of public school. But, in reality, that's not the correct answer for most people.

Let's hope the legislators we elect will one day have the guts to really do something other than the same old method of throwing more money at the problem. It should be clear that it's not working.

posted by Dash | 4:10 PM | |

Although I didn't get the day off, today is a special day in Texas.

On March 2, 1836, Texas declared its independence from Mexico and became the Republic of Texas.

Life was never the same again.

For ten years, from 1836 to 1846, Texas existed precariously as a separate and unique nation.

In Texas, March 2 is an official state holiday - Texas Independence Day. Each year, there are numerous parades, festivals and even a complete historical reenactment of the event.

Independence is declared; it must be maintained.
Sam Houston - Washington, March 2, 1836

The History

Fifty-four delegates of the Convention of 1836 began meeting on March 1 at the village of Washington-on-the-Brazos, located today between present-day Houston and Austin. Each of the settlements of Texas were represented by delegates elected one month earlier.

The convention elected Richard Ellis president of the convention, and Herbert S. Kimble secretary. The delegates had very little time to debate over their mission.

Delegates of Convention of 1836 wrote and adopted the Texas Declaration of Independence. This was done literally overnight. They elected a committee of five delegates to draft the document. The committee, consisted of George C. Childress, Edward Conrad, James Gaines, Bailey Hardeman, and Collin McKinney, prepared the declaration in record time.

It was briefly reviewed, then adopted by the delegates of the convention the following day. Afterwards they prepared a Constitution for the newly formed Republic, and organized an ad interim government.

These actions were accomplished amid almost daily reports of the invasion on Texas soil by Mexico, and the collapse of the Alamo and destruction of its defenders.

The ad interim government that was created by the delegates took office at the close of the convention, and served until the following October, when general elections could be held.

Officers of the newly formed Republic included:

David G. Burnet, President
Lorenzo de Zavala, Vice-president
Samuel P. Carson, Secretary of State
Thomas J. Rusk, Secretary of War
Bailey Hardeman, Secretary of Treasury
David Thomas, Attorney General

With their mission accomplished, the delegates and the newly formed government of the Republic of Texas adjourned in haste during the early morning hours of March 17, following news of the approach of Santa Anna and the Mexican army.

Thanks to my friend Beau in Dallas for the info in the day's e-mail bag.

UPDATE: El Capitan has a post up about Texas Independence Day. Go read his Texas prayer.

posted by Dash | 2:35 PM | |

Where I live, in the Texas Hill Country, a lot of people suffer from allergies. It is the pollen in the air from some of the trees around here. Oak pollen is bad, but most people are affected by what is commonly called Cedar Fever.

The symptoms of Cedar Fever are not easily mistaken. Your eyes will burn and turn red and you'll have a runny nose. Sometimes the insides of your ears itch. Cedar Fever may cause continuous sneezing all day and can leave you completely worn out.

The trees that cause this are sometimes called Mountain Cedar, but are really Ashe Juniper. They pollinate in the winter and early spring, so if you're around during those months, you'll probably be affected.

If you're not directly abused by the pollen getting into your system, you'll certainly be aware of the attack upon others who are allergic. It can really be annoying listening to someone sneeze constantly for hours.

Luckily, in the years I've lived here, I've really only been hit by it a couple of times. Sure, I get the occasional headaches and sneezes; but, when it starts making your eyes red and your nose becomes a running faucet, you'll be praying for it to end after a while.

The ironic part of all this suffering is that the culprit is not even indigenous to the area. That's right. The ashe juniper that covers the countryside is not even originally from here. It's an import that has completely taken over like a weed.

There are a few things you can do to minimize the terror, like staying inside in the air conditioning, washing your hands and face a lot during the day, and taking antihistamines. I know a lot of people who take weekly shots to battle the symptoms. Others have been able to get relief from some other prescription and OTC meds.

One thing I've done is to remove as many of these trees as possible. Obviously, I can't get away with cutting them down on my neighbors' property (although some would welcome it), but I can get rid of those on mine.

Removing the offending trees has other benefits, too. For one thing, they drink every drop of water that comes near them. Since we live in a semi-arid region, water is at a premium in the summer months. Junipers will steal all of it away from other trees and grasses that may be in the area.

It's amazing how the oaks, elms and grasses react when the water hogs are removed. They literally flourish.

I removed probably more than one hundred of these trees from my lot before we built our house. You might ask what does one do with one hundred trees. Well, you can either burn them, have someone haul them away, or you can chip them up into mulch.

The mulch you get from these plants is great for landscaping. You just have to be careful that you don't use any from trees that may be diseased. This wouldn't be a good thing to add to you planting beds.

I left a few of them on my lot just for show and for a natural privacy screen around my deck. But, by and large, I took them out. I think it was a smart move. My property looks better and my family seems to be able to breathe better. To me, those are good reasons.

Next time I'll talk to you about Prickly Pear.

posted by Dash | 12:28 PM | |

This ought to get them more votes in the next election. DNC Chairman Howard Dean has already started the hate speak.

According to him, the Republicans are EVIL.

And concluding his backyard speech with a litany of Democratic values, he added:
"This is a struggle of good and evil. And we're the good."

Way to go, Howie. That's how you get more people to see things your way - call them evil.

posted by Dash | 8:35 AM | |