It's that time again, sports fans. Several weeks ago the ever innovative Christina, of Feisty Repartee fame, started what we have come to know as the 25-Word Challenge.

Last week Politickal Animal led the charge with the 25-Word Challenge and this week it's my turn.

Next week, May 7th, go see Pammy at Lollygaggin, as she will be starting the challenge.

Here's the much anticipated lineup for the next few weeks after Pammy. Look forward to some good fun in the weekends to come.

May 14 – Michele at Meaderings
May 21 – Zonker at Thunder and Roses
May 28 – Oddybobo at Bobo Blogger
June 4 – Yabu at Bad Bad Juju
June 11 - Stacy at House of Snark
June 18 - Sissy at And What Next
June 25 - Sadie at Fistful of Fortnights
July 2 - Moogie at Moogie's World
July 9 -Christina at Feisty Repartee

The rules are simple. All you do is add your own special twenty five words to the comments thread here. Remember, exactly 25 words... no more and no less. And no consecutive posts by the same person, please. We'll go until things resolve or flatten, ending no later than sometime Sunday.

So now, let's jump in with both feet. Here's how the story begins.

The old codger had become a mere shell of his former self. Life's cruelties had cause him to lash out at those who loved him.

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who participated. Don't forget to go to Pammy's at Lollygaggin next week

posted by Dash | 6:00 AM | |

Now this is what I'm talking about.

Go see what Biff has at Bitterman's Smoking Toaster.

I actually might try out for this as I am pretty good at it, even in my advanced age. If they have doubles or team competition, I'm gonna get my boy 'Neck to try out as my podnah.

If they have mixed doubles, I'll get my favorite girl Sadie Lou. But, I'm sure it would have to be on a Wednesday.

posted by Dash | 5:45 PM | |

Monday, April 25, 2005
Associated Press

DuBOIS, Pa. -- A man who angrily berated fast-food employees when a drive-thru clerk told him the restaurant was out of french fries pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 45 days in jail.

Gregg Luttman, of DuBois, pleaded guilty to assault, resisting arrest, institutional vandalism and other charges stemming from the confrontation on New Year's Day at a Burger King restaurant.

Luttman made an obscene gesture at a drive-thru clerk, cursed at restaurant staff and nearly hit an employee with his truck after workers told Luttman the restaurant had run out of french fries and onion rings, said police in Sandy Township, Clearfield County.

When police tried to arrest Luttman, he scuffled with officer and kicked out the back window of a police cruiser, police said.

In addition to jail time, Luttman last week was fined $150 and ordered to serve two years' probation.

Looks like somebody might need an attitude adjustment.

posted by Dash | 10:47 AM | |

I got this e-mail again today. Surely most everyone has seen it by now. The first time I read it, I thought it was pretty funny. I have to admit, I didn't really give it much thought.

Well, this time, I thought, yeah it's funny, but not entirely accurate - at least from my perspective. Now, I'm not what you'd call a modern metrosexual, but I've been around the block more than twice.

So, I decided to post the list, but with my comments attached. You'll be the ultimate judge.

Here goes:

Men Are Just Happier People.
- Oh yeah? How's that?

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
- Simple? OK. I can tell already this was written by a woman.

Your last name stays put.
- Yes, that's a good thing.

The garage is all yours.
- Wrong. My two-car garage is filled with my wife's SUV, kids' bikes, toys, skateboards, a freezer, my tools, and lawn care equipment. I'd hardly say that could be called "mine." My truck won't even fit in there.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Yes, my wife planned and implemented 100% of our wedding. Was there another option?

Chocolate is just another snack.
- Yes, this is true. While I like chocolate, I can take it or leave it. My desert of choice is 25 year old Macallan. But, that's another story.

You can be President.
- So. A woman can be president, too. We'd just have to keep her away from the nuclear "FIRE" button every so many days, that's all.

You can never be pregnant.
- Thank God! The human race would become extinct in about 85 years if men started having the babies.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- So can women. What's the big deal about that?

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
- So can women. What's the big deal about that? Can I bring my camera?

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- Um... probably false. Car mechanics tell the truth only if they know the person can call them on it - and then only sometimes. Most men I know these days don't know a throttle plate from and injector.

The world is your urinal.
- Yes, until the cop sees you and you get arrested for indecent exposure. Otherwise, it's a pretty good deal to be able to do certain things while standing up. Although, I did play golf with a woman one time who could pee standing up just like a man. Just stood up against a tree and let it fly. One of the craziest things I've ever seen.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
- That's probably true. I've never not used a bathroom because it wasn't clean. Although, I didn't have to touch anything in there, either.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- True in most cases. Although, I've seen guys get frustrated with gas fittings that have left handed threads. That's funny until some macho dude strips the nut or breaks the brass fitting.

Same work, more pay.
- Um... don't know about that one. I'm not aware of any women who do what I do, but there are some women who make a lot of money.

Wrinkles add character.
- No. Age adds wrinkles and vice versa. These days, I think as many men are trying to stave off wrinkles as women. Have you seen the likes of Bruce Jenner, Jerry Jones, and Mickey Rourke, lately? It looks like those guys have their facial skin stretched so tight, their eyes are going to pop out of the sockets.

Wedding dress- $5000. Tux rental- $100.
- Yes, but would you really want a bride wearing a $100 dress?

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- Yes, but sometimes they stare at my crotch.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- When? Every time I do that, I get dirty looks.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Well, new boots can be kind of rough before they're broken in. Besides, why do women want to do that to their feet, anyway? Please don't do it for me. As far as I'm concerned, you can wear flip-flops.

One mood all the time.
- Yeah, right! What planet is this on? I know guys who are so moody, I want to beat the snot out of them about twice a week.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat!
- Wrong again. I know guys who go into apoplectic shock if they don't have a phone sticking out of their ear for longer than 30 seconds. And now they have those silly things sticking out of their ears 24/7. Who needs to be connected to a telephone that much?

You know stuff about tanks.
- I only know a few people who know anything about tanks except that they are loud and they are used in ground warfare.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- Probably. But, I know women who can go on a vacation with nothing but a bikini, a couple of t-shirts and a toothbrush. So...

You can open all your own jars.
- OK.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- No. You might get some credit, but it's usually nullified by leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
- Yeah, but is he really your friend if he forgot to invite you?

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Where? Not the last time I bought them.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- Enough for what? I have three or four pairs of boots, three or four pairs of dress shoes, running shoes, deck shoes, and flip-flops. Are you going to wear your wing tips to cut the grass?

You almost never have strap problems in public.
-Almost?

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- I can see them. I just don't think it's a big deal. I wear a starched shirt and pair of slacks to work in the morning and they don't look the same after a long day. Should I bring an iron to work to touch them up? I think not.

Everything on your face stays its original color.
- Except when you're drunk or when you eat habaneros.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- My hairstyle changes with the amount of hair available on my head. I refuse to do the combover no matter how thin it gets on top.

You only have to shave your face and neck.
- Yeah, unless you're a porn star and you shave other places that you deem necessary.

You can play with toys all your life.
Yeah, except the price of your toys keeps getting higher.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- Well, if your belly is big enough to hide your big hips, you don't need to worry about how you look.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
- One wallet - yes. We've already talked about the shoes.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
- Yeah, but certain people should have some decency and cover up those ugly things.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
- Yeah, I could. But, why? They make clippers that do the job faster and neater. Plus, I cut myself often enough doing other things. Why would I want to increase the risk by cutting my nails with a knife?

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Yeah, I could let my nose hair grow out and braid it if I wanted to, too.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
- I actually know people who do this. But, why? Sure there aren't big crowds by then, but the stores are picked over. Why not plan ahead and get what you want without having to rush. Personally, I'd rather be drinking eggnog on Christmas Eve.

No wonder men are happier.
- Happier? That's a relative term.

posted by Dash | 5:51 AM | |

From the morning's e-mailbag.

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife. "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both."

Then he says, "Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom."

"Be strong honey. I love you, too!"


Some days you're the windshield and some days you're the bug!
-Unknown author

posted by Dash | 10:12 AM | |

Why do we care what others think of us? Why do we crave the approval of our so called peers?

When we're growing up and learning about life and ourselves, we experiment with things that we know aren't good for us. As a teenager in the 70's, I had all kinds of situations where I had to make a tough decision. Cigarettes, drugs, sex, and alcohol were all out there begging me to give them a try.

But, it wasn't so much those things that were doing the begging. It was my friends who were doing the pushing. For example, if somebody had gotten his hands on some bourbon, even though I knew it wasn't the right thing to do, there was a lot of pressure to partake in the consumption of that bourbon. We knew deep inside that it wasn't right, but we did it anyway to show our friends we were cool. I guess that's all part of growing up and learning who you are.

Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Here is another more poignant example.

In the summer of 2001, the Minnesota Vikings were preparing for a new season. As frequently happens on the first day of summer workouts, someone got sick. Those of you who played sports probably know what I'm talking about. There was always someone who puked his guts out during that first workout.

When Pro-Bowl lineman Kory Stringer became sick, it was caught on camera by the media. The next day on the front page of the sports section in the local paper, Stringer was pictured doubled over, obviously suffering the effects of a strenuous summer workout.

When he reported for practice the next day, he noticed that some of his teammates had cut out that picture and taped multiple copies to his locker. To them it was all in good team fun, but they wanted to get the point across to him that he needed to suck it up and get serious about getting into shape.

This action had a profound effect on Kory. On that second day of practice in the heat, he refused to show any signs of weakness and continued to push himself. One can only guess that he wanted to prove he was strong and could overcome the stress. He didn't want to be the target of any more ridicule. After all, he was a top-rated professional athlete.

Toward the end of practice, Kory collapsed. By the time the doctors got to him, his body temperature had risen to 108 degrees. He died later that night in the hospital. Did he push himself to death because of peer pressure? Apparently so.

Psychologists have long known that social acceptance is one of the most important human needs. It follows only, (1) safety and security, and (2) food and shelter. That's why people will push themselves and refuse to allow others to make fun of them.

I've found blogging to be similar. Sure, there are those who don't give a rip about who reads their stuff. They just want a place where they can get their thoughts down and if somebody likes it, fine. It not, that's fine, too.

But, for the most part, we crave the attention and admiration of readers. Some people are in such need of attention, they'll do just about anything to get it. Why else would some bloggers go to the extremes they do?

Somebody recently told me that there are two kinds of bloggers. Those who are bigger than their blog, and those whose blog is bigger than they are. After thinking about that, I had to agree.

Which group do you fall into? Could you stop your blog today and go on about your life, never missing a beat? Or would your life be turned upside down if you weren’t able to blog?

Enquiring minds want to know.

posted by Dash | 10:54 AM | |

I don't know the origin of this, but I thought it was a good story. It has to do with dealing with adversity.

A daughter complained to her father about the many problems she found herself being forced to deal with. She said that every time she thought she had conquered a problem, another one or two would arise to take its place. The girl told her father that she just didn't know how she was ever going to make it through such tough times.

Without saying a word, the father led his daughter into the kitchen. He filled three pots full of water and put them on the stove. After a few minutes the water in those pots began to boil.

In one pot he placed some raw carrots. In the second, he placed a couple of eggs and in the third pot, he placed some ground coffee beans.

After letting these boil for about 20 minutes, he placed the contents of each pot into three bowls. Then he asked his daughter, "What do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs and coffee," she replied.

He asked her to feel the carrots. She noted they were soft. Then he asked her to break one of the eggs. She saw that they were hard boiled. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She did and she tasted its rich flavor and smelled its aroma.

She asked, "What does this mean?"

He explained that each of these items had experienced the same adversity - boiling water - but each had reacted differently. The carrots went in strong and hard but became weakened and soft. The eggs went in fragile with a thin layer of protection and came out hard and tough.

The coffee was unique because it changed the water causing it to become stronger and richer.

He asked, "Which one are you? When adversity comes, how do you respond? Are you the carrot that seems hard and strong, but with adversity loses strength? Are you the egg, something fluid that becomes tough and hardened with adversity? Or are you the coffee beans, that when things get their worst, you get better and change the situation around you for the better?"

So, how do you handle adversity? Are you carrots, eggs or coffee?

posted by Dash | 3:06 PM | |

I was double tagged for a meme yesterday. First by .:.WitNit.:. and then a little later by Yabu at Bad Bad Juju. However, I'm only going to do this once.

Here goes:

If I could be a scientist, I'd develop a way for cars to run on pee. Run out of fuel, just drink a couple of beers, fill 'er up and on down the road you go. Hell, you could even run a tube from inside the car directly to the fuel tank. No need to buy oil from those pesky OPEC countries. Need something with a little higher octane? Drink tequila. Talk about a fun road trip with your friends. The only reason you would have to stop would be to buy more drinks.

If I could be a chef, I'd cook all the best foods from every different type of cuisine. I'd open a restaurant that would serve any type of food a person could think of. Then I'd start a cooking school to teach chefs how to prepare these meals.

If I could be an architect, I'd design buildings that were aesthetically pleasing while being functional at the same time. I would refuse to put those huge ugly pieces of twisted metal, some people call "art", in front of buildings.

If I could be a professor, I'd teach people to think for themselves and be wary of the people trying to force them to "drink the koolaid." I'd challege students to ask questions and use some common sense before blindly accepting precepts and theories.

If I could be a judge, I'd throw the book at lawyers who waste the court's time bringing frivolous lawsuits. I'd make the lawyer put his/her career and reputation on the line for making a mockery of the court. The court should not be the modern day Robin Hood that it has become.

My turn to tag:

Following this is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you).

Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

Here's that list:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...
IIf I could be a TV-Chat Show host...
If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge...
If I could be a Jedi...

I tag Jim at Parkway Rest Stop, because he already is most of these things. I want to see what he'd be if he weren't.

I tag Zonker at Thunder and Roses, because he's a funny sumbitch and I want to know what he'd pick.

I tag Michele at Meanderings, because she's the only person I know who once had a job stretching nutria hides.

posted by Dash | 10:48 AM | |

It's 25-Word Challenge time. This week's host is Politikal.

Go on over and check it out. While you're there, read the story as it unfolds and feel free to participate.

Politikal Animal says:

This week's plot will either thicken or curdle as you add your own special twenty five words to the comments thread here. Remember, 25 words... no less, no more. And no consecutive posts by the same person, please. We'll go until things resolve or flatten, ending no later than sometime Sunday (how's that for specific vaguery?) So now, let's join up with some guy named Jake, as the plot thickens. Scroll down to the picture and below for the starter...

Next week's 25-Word Challenge will be right here at The Boiling Point. I'll start it off and you will continue it in the comments.

For now, go on over to Politikal.

posted by Dash | 7:20 AM | |

I ran into this article today about some guys who were out fishing and discovered a giant Mako shark making a meal of a 200 pound tarpon.

When I saw the picture of the tarpon, I figured the guys had hooked it while fishing and had to hurry up and get it landed before the shark made off with it.

While watching the video, I learned that the boat just kind of happened on the shark eating the tarpon. They were excited about what they were watching and decided to try to wrestle the tarpon away from the shark and/or try to catch the giant shark.

It looked like a wild time. Everybody was hollering and you could tell their adrenaline was pumping. I was wondering what would happen if one of the guys accidentally fell overboard during the excitement.

They snagged the tarpon with a snatch hook and literally wrestled it away from the 14 foot shark. It took three of them to hoist what was left of the tarpon into the boat.

Then they rigged the tarpon up as bait and hooked the shark. After fighting it for a while, it broke the line and headed for open water. The guys said they weren't too disappointed in not landing the shark. They said they were just thankful for the show it gave them.

I caught a nice shark last year and let me tell you it was a blast. I fought it for an hour before we got it into the boat. I was exhausted, but exhilarated at the same time.

Watching that video brought back some of those feelings. Damn! That must have been a rush.

Go here to see the video.

posted by Dash | 1:11 PM | |

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance Off the Shank

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9am

Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round

Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 11 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th

Chapter 12 - How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome

Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee

Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

Chapter 15 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt

Chapter 16 - When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever

Chapter 17 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game

Chapter 18 - Why Golfers Pay $5.00 A Beer From The Cart Girl, And Would Pay More

posted by Dash | 5:46 AM | |

I like to watch movies as much as the next guy, but most of the movies I like are ones that I have to watch by myself. Wait... that didn't sound right.

Let me start over.

Most of the movies I like to watch are inappropriate for minors to watch because they are rated R, which usually means use of foul language, nudity or excessive violence. For example, I wouldn't want my pre-teenagers to watch a movie like Pulp Fiction, even though it was one of my favorites.

Every now and then I'll find a movie that I can watch with my kids that we'll enjoy together. My daughter has been asking me to let her watch a movie called Napoleon Dynamite.

She says all of her friends have seen it and they quote lines from the movie at school. She feels left out because she hasn't seen the movie. I spoke with some friends of mine who have kids and they said it was a weird/goofy movie, but that there's nothing in it that a pre-teen or older kid shouldn't see or hear. They said it was pretty inane, but harmless.

Well, we finally watched it together this past Saturday night and we both liked it.

It's a comedy in a weird kind of way that I think a lot of people wouldn't care for. The main character is an outcast high school geek who is trying to make it through the everyday trials of teenage life.

The main part of the story is how Napoleon is helping his new friend Pedro get elected as class president. There are some really weird parts in this movie, but overall, the characters fit each other. I've been accused of having a somewhat warped sense of humor, so it's not difficult to understand that I liked it. After all, I liked movies like Animal House, Caddyshack, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Here's one review I read on a soundboard.

This ain't art cinema, folks. It's absurdist comedy. Don't go to see this film looking for deep meaning or well-constructed plot--the vague semblance of a plot is as artificial as they come, and seems inserted mostly to give the film structure and to permit the audience a somewhat 'happy' ending.

NO, Napoleon Dynamite isn't about changing the world--it's live action 'South Park' (Preston, Idaho, where the film is set, actually bears a strong resemblance to the real South Park, Colorado). It's a highly ironic, self-mocking, merciless run of sight gags and one liners with no apparent purpose other than to get laughs at the expense of its main characters, especially the eponymous Napoleon, a fit stand-in for everyone who's ever felt like a socially inept outcast trapped in the hell of high school.

This movie isn't for everybody, but if you don't see glimpses of your own childhood in the various awkwardnesses and failures of the main characters, you're in denial. Don't see Napoleon Dynamite if you're expecting sensitivity--go see it if you're pissed off at the world and just need to laugh. I saw it for the first time last night, and I'm still busting into spontaneous laughter whenever one of Napoleon's silly one-liners or blank-faced dead-pan non-sequiturs comes to mind.

So, if you want to see a comedy that's a little different, I'd recommend Napoleon Dynamite. But, if you don't like it, don't say I didn't warn you.

posted by Dash | 3:17 PM | |

I was in need of some humor today and I found it at .:.Witnit.:.

These are student essays that are hilarious.

Go check it out.

Here's sampling for your reading pleasure.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

posted by Dash | 9:40 AM | |

Christina at Feisty Repartee has a great post up on Lessons. In it she discusses her experience as a child working for her father. He was a busy man and needed a lot of cheap labor to be able to carry out his "hobbies." That's where the kids come in.

The story is a good one because it gives us a glimpse into the life of a rural kid whose life is typically very different from a lot of today's kids - especially those of inner city environs. I'm not saying that the inner city kids can't learn similar lessons, but country kids learn them a little differently.

Her particular story talks about her experience working on a shrimp boat and in a fish market. That had to be something she hated at the time, but is thankful for now. I'm sure that when she was studying for finals in law school or for the bar exam, she could think back to those days for a little motivation.

When I was a kid, my first job was working on a farm. My grandfather was a soybean and cotton farmer in Louisiana. Luckily, I didn't have to pick cotton. He had equipment to do most everything that needed to be done. But, sometimes a patch of weeds (Tea Weeds, Coffee Weeds, Cockleburs, and others) would break out and it was more cost effective to just grab a hoe and get out there and take 'em out. Nowadays, if you told a kid to "grab a hoe", he’d get kicked out of school for sexual harassment.

I made $1 an hour killing weeds out in the hot Louisiana sun. Now, if that doesn't make you appreciate a good education, nothing will. I'm not sure cleaning fish would be any better, though.

We were learning valuable economic lessons very early on. We didn't know that's what we were doing, but we were. We knew that if we wanted something, we had to put out the effort to earn it. If I wanted to buy a new bicycle that cost $68, I knew that I had to work out in the sun at least that many hours, and that I had to save the money until I had enough.

The problem today is that economic ignorance of a vast majority of our citizens allows us to fall prey to unscrupulous politicians (is that redundant?). The charlatans out there want to tell everybody that they can have certain things for free if they just vote right.

We always hear about "free healthcare" or "free tuition". It's amazing to me how many people think it's really "free." There is a cost. We’re just not being told what the cost is.

I wrote a post a while back about TANSTAAFL. That means There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. When we're told we're going to get a new "free" library, everybody is so excited. That's just wonderful – except, it's not really free. That $40 million that it took to build it had to come from somewhere. I can assure you from experience that the contractor didn't build it for free. The architects and engineers who designed it may have done their work at a discounted rate, but they didn't do it for free. The materials sure weren't free either.

Had the library not been built, that $40 million could have been used to purchase something else. The other thing that could have been bought is the true cost of building the library. When politicians talk about providing something for free, we should ask them who is going to pay for it. Because we know that there's no such thing as a free library.

posted by Dash | 10:15 AM | |

They picked a new Pope.

I think that's great, but he's 78 friggin' years old. That's the oldest Pope elected in 275 years and the first German in nearly 1000 years.

Isn't there a maximum age limit for this job? When John Paul II was elected, he was a spry 58. As my grandfather would say, he was a young man.

I don't think my grandfather would call Benedict the 429th (or whatever), a young man at 78.

They say he is very conservative, too. A lot of "progressive" Catholics are saying he'll not be good for the modernization of their religion.

Oh well. Long live the Pope.

posted by Dash | 7:48 PM | |

They said they were on their way to some place called "Jekyll Island." I think they were running a little bit late.

A Department of Public Safety officer discovered a slew of alligators, snakes and tortoises packed inside a fifth-wheel recreational vehicle during a traffic stop on Interstate 10.

Thirty-two alligators to be exact, half a dozen fully grown, but most under 3 feet. More than 50 boa constrictors, tortoises, chickens, rats, rabbits and dogs also were also part of the menagerie.

The couple told police they were just passing through Arizona, on their way to Georgia.

I wonder if Velociman knew they were coming.

posted by Dash | 5:00 PM | |

Last week I posted about the whole Tom DeLay fiasco. I mentioned that former Representative Bob Livingston had been asked to write an op-ed piece about DeLay. The New York Times withdrew their offer when they found out Livingston was going to write one that held DeLay in a positive light.

Here's an article Livingston wrote last Friday. It says DeLay is the newest target because he is an effective leader.

First, let's get some indisputable facts out on the table. DeLay has been the most effective majority leader of either party in the last half century. Even with the razor-thin margins he has had to work with, when was the last time he lost a vote?

He goes on to say that the Democratic attack machine is bolstered by willing accomplices in the press.

Again, while I lament that my Democratic friends in Congress seem to be more intense about personal attacks than offering legitimate legislative alternatives on the issues of the day, I can at least understand their motives and their goals. What I fail to understand--or perhaps what I hate to admit--is the rather blatant, pro-active cooperation in their campaign by the Washington Post and the New York Times.

Unfortunately, this is just going to get uglier. Stand by for more.

posted by Dash | 3:25 PM | |

Shamelessly stolen from the morning's e-mailbag. Thanks to my friend Vicky.

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table.

Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early at 6:30 am. He figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately.

The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay. She smiled and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.

She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round.

The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week. She smiled and said "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand.

By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

In the third week they all had their game faces on.

But this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life to beat her.

As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part.

Finally she showed up.

This week the lady lawyer played right-handed which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to keep a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed and grinned. She said, "That's easy.
When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude.

From then on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him.

If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed. All the girls on the team thought this was hysterical."

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late."

posted by Dash | 5:49 AM | |

Well, I was sitting here minding my own business, sipping on my third (or maybe fourth - who's counting? - it's Friday for krike sakes) Macallan 12 year old Scotch Whisky and lo and behold I got a phone call.

Who could be calling me at this hour on a Friday night?

Surprise - surprise! It was the lovely Feisty Christina calling from the Georgia Writers Convention in Jekyll Island. She wanted to let me know what a great time she was having and to see if I wanted to speak with any of the other attendees.

I said... well... okay. No, I said hell yeah. When else am I gonna get a chance to talk with these people? I've been reading their blogs for a while now and I would love to talk to them.

The first one was Sam from The Brier Patch. Then Sam let me talk to his lovely wife Barbie. Then the phone was passed around the room to no less than Dax Montana, Acidman, Eric the Straight White Guy, Jim from Parkway Rest Stop, Kelley at Suburban Blight, Key Monroe from Key Issues, and Velociman.

Wow! How cool is that? Those people are my heroes and I got to talk to all of them in one night.

If I missed anybody, I apologize and blame it on the whisky. I don't know where Sadie, Zonker, Mr. Helpful and Michele from Meanderings were, but I hope to visit with them sometime, too.

It sounded like they were having a great time, partially due to V-man's famous Chatham Artillery Punch. He quickly told me a story about how his mom would serve this punch to the ladies from the church and they would love it.

Everyone I talked with asked me where I was and told me I should be there. I appreciate that and believe me, I wish I could be there, too.

I'll be there next time for sure.

posted by Dash | 9:33 PM | |

I don't know how I missed this one, but it's excellent. I thought it was quite appropriate on Tax Day. Go by and give it a read - it kinda says it all about what it is that we get for our money.

The only thing I can say is it's a good thing for those pin heads in DC that most people have their taxes withheld by their employers. I believe that if every working American had to write a check to Uncle Sam every year, there would be anarchy.

Hat tip to Mostly Cajun. And while you're over there, Tanker's got a good one about Sustainable Energy that most people don't really understand. Go on, now.

posted by Dash | 6:57 PM | |

Does anybody but me find it ironic that ever since 9/11/01, we've been making it harder on the legal citizens and legal immigrants while making it easier on the illegal ones? I'll admit, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but this kind of boggles my mind.

My ancestors came to this country well over 150 years ago. I'm a middle-aged, white, Anglo-American, male. I'm a proud, red-blooded American citizen. I vote. I don't commit crimes. I work hard, pay my taxes, mow my grass, and spend my money right here in our economy.

Let me go to the airport and try to fly somewhere. Odds are, I'll eventually be able to get where I want to go, but I'll be scrutinized and basically treated as though I'm not trustworthy, in the process.

Now read this story and tell me why I shouldn't be a little pissed. Tell me why all the people who are going through legal means to become U.S. citizens shouldn't be really pissed.

I live in Texas and I work in an industry that employs a lot of migrant workers. No doubt some of them are illegals. Frankly, if I were in their shoes, and it was as easy to do it as it is, I'd do the same thing. I'm just trying to be honest with you and myself by stating the obvious.

But, that said, I do not agree that we should turn a blind eye toward illegal immigration. That is sending a terribly wrong message to everyone. We have immigration laws for several reasons. One of which, in this post 9/11 world, is "homeland security."

In discussing the article, Neal Boortz says:

Some folks in North Carolina are pushing the idea of offering in-state tuition for illegal aliens in North Carolina's colleges and universities. North Carolina is now number two in the rate of increase for illegal immigration. Make this idiotic idea a law and soon North Carolina will be vying for number one. Remember, you get more of the behavior you reward, and less of the behavior your punish. How could you consider in-state tuition for illegal aliens anything but a reward for illegal behavior?

That's exactly the message we are sending. I say it's wrong.

posted by Dash | 10:09 AM | |

Yesterday I had a short post about media bias in which Bernie Sanders, Representative from Vermont was mentioned. It seems Bernie has been doing the same thing Tom DeLay and dozens of other lawmakers have been doing. That is paying family members from campaign contributions.

Now, Bernie's crying foul. No, maybe he's just crying... which is what these idiots do whenever somebody calls them out to the carpet. He says the paper printed lies about him.

The Bennington Banner has an article out today to discuss the situation.

None of this is illegal. The story did not state, or imply, that Rep. Sanders broke the law by hiring family members. An Associated Press story in Thursday's paper points out that employing relatives is common practice among the nation's lawmakers. It says about four dozen senators and representatives have hired family members for their campaign and political groups.

Of course, just because something is common practice and doesn't break the law, doesn't mean it's totally kosher. Watchdog groups are rightly concerned. Even if family members earn their pay, there still remains the appearance of impropriety.

Given the power that elected officials wield and the fact that they serve at the pleasure of their taxpaying constituents, there's nothing wrong with holding them to higher standards. We're not talking about a small contractor who hires his son over summer vacation and doesn't mind paying him a little extra.

The way Rep. Sanders has reacted to the revelatons, we think, indicates that he realizes how the situation looks. He claims the story was a lie, although the information came from public government records and was confirmed by his own staff, and he does not refute any of the facts in our report.

If Rep. Sanders believes the payments are on the up and up, a completely acceptable practice, he should come out and say so, instead of threatening not to speak with the media.

I guess that's how these guys deal with issues they don't want anybody to talk about. They call it a bunch of lies and shun the media that are telling the stories.

My question yesterday was: How much attention is this story going to get from the MSM? So far, none really. You can hardly call the Banner part of the MSM.

Hopefully, the Banner and others that have the nerve to call these hypocrites out will not be silenced.

I'm still waiting for the big boys to start asking these guys some real questions.

posted by Dash | 8:30 AM | |

From the morning's e-mailbag. Thanks to Lauren in Tiger Town.

TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a "face towel"... neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a "squeaky toy" so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last question .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

posted by Dash | 5:44 AM | |

Just when I think I've seen it all, something comes along that just blows me away. This woman breastfeeds her pet monkey.

What did you say?

Yeah, you read that correctly. She nurses him... and has been doing it for years.

"Yes, I breastfeed him. He is my son," says Namita, caressing
the monkey.

But Namita is upset when a photographer accompanying me calls the monkey a pet. "This is not a pet, this is my son. Please get that right," she insists.

"I did not have a son. God finally gave me one," says Namita, as she continued to breastfeed the monkey.

I ask her whether she has been breastfeeding Buru- who is around five years old- for too long.

"I will continue to breastfeed him as long as he wants it. He will always remain a little one for me," she says.

Ooooooookie dokie. I'm glad I had already had lunch before I saw that.

posted by Dash | 2:32 PM | |

Let's see how much attention this one gets from the MSM. It seems Bernie Sanders has been doing the same thing Tom DeLay has been doing. The democrats are all up in arms over DeLay's paying his family members. Let's see if they make a big deal out of Sanders doing it.

WASHINGTON -- Rep. Bernard Sanders used campaign donations to pay his wife and stepdaughter more than $150,000 for campaign-related work since 2000, according to records filed with the Federal Election Commission.

No laws prohibit candidates from paying family members for campaign work. But the appearance that lawmakers use their position to benefit people close to them concerns watchdog groups.

The ethics of lawmakers paying their families jumped into the spotlight on Capitol Hill last week, following reports that House Majority Leader Tom DeLay of Texas had paid his wife and daughter more than $500,000 for campaign-related work.

Jim Barrett, chairman of the Vermont Republican Party, used Sanders' family payments to highlight what he said is Democratic "hypocrisy" for fiercely attacking DeLay. "It's the standard hypocrisy from the left," Barrett said. "When a Republican does it, it's inappropriate and front page news. But now it turns out, our own Bernie Sanders has been doing it for a long time."

Is there a double standard in the MSM? Tom DeLay is in "heap big trouble" at least as far as the media are concerned. For several weeks now the Washington Post and the New York Times have been railing on the House majority leader for several supposed transgressions.

They even went so far as to try to get former congressman Bob Livingston to write an op-ed piece about it. They retracted the offer when they found out Livingston was planning to write a positive article about DeLay. Most democrats and a few spineless (Chris Shays) republicans are calling for him to step down.

Shays, who has been a supporter of DeLay, is starting to buckle under the pressure and recently came out against him. That's the kind of guy I want on my team.

But, what I want to know is, what is it that DeLay is supposed to have done that is so bad? They've been investigating him for a while now and don't seem to be coming up with much. Sure they've accused him of some ethical breaches, but I haven't heard of any legal issues. Remember, we're talking about Washington politicians here. Think about it.

The DNC is all over this DeLay scandal issue like white on rice. They even have a web page totally dedicated to spelling out all the charges against him. They've made a lot of accusations, but is there anything really there to get so worked up about? I'm sure at least 80% of every congressman up there is guilty of the same sort of things. Sanders is the first one out of the box.

Compare that treatment in the media with that of the recent confession of former Clinton National Security Adviser, Sandy Berger. Now we're talking about real crimes being committed. He stole and destroyed highly classified documents. That's a felony, folks. But, he's going to get a slap on the wrist.

Did the MSM come down on Mr. Berger? No. Did they even give the story much notice? Not really. I never saw any headlines talking about what an injustice had been perpetrated on the American people. After all, this whole thing was about homeland security. Why was Berger trying hide the evidence? I think the people need answers, before this gets swept under the rug and everyone forgets about it.

Why are the media not reporting this on the front pages? Hmmmmm.

With examples like this, is there any wonder why the people who reside on the right side of the political spectrum seem kind of paranoid about media bias?

What would happen if Condi Rice got caught doing something illegal like that? Would the major papers basically ignore it the way they seem to have done with Berger?

I think not.

If I'm wrong, tell me how. Please.

UPDATE: Here's a list of lawmakers who have family members on the payroll. Looks like a bipartisan effort to me.

posted by Dash | 10:08 AM | |

Well, I failed to win the Mega Millions Lottery last night. It was worth $122 million. That would have gone a long way toward getting me out of debt and helping out with the kids' college aspirations.

But, never fear. I must be lucky anyway - just in another way. As fate would have it, I got an e-mail this morning that's going to make me rich. I don't usually go for these kinds of things, but this one looks legit.

Don't get any ideas about trying to beat me to the punch. Just so you know, I've already responded to this gentleman and the ball is already rolling.

I haven't decided whether I'll continue blogging. It kind of depends upon whether I have the time. You know, I'll probably be quite busy travelling, playing golf, hunting, fishing, going to ball games, stuff like that.

Here's the deal.


FROM:DR.UGAMBE MOZAMBIQUE,
THE DIRECTOR OF PROJECTS,
MINISTRY OF MINERALS AND ENERGY,
REPUBLIC OF SOUTH AFRICA.

CONFIDENTIAL.

I am Dr.Ugambe Mozambique, Director of Projects, South Africa Department of Minerals & Energy.I am making this contact with you based on the committee's need for an individual/company who is willing to assist us with a solution to a funds transfer.

In unfolding this proposal, I want to count on you, as a respected and honest person to handle this transaction with sincerity, trust and confidentiality.I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the nature of this transaction.

Within the Department of Minerals & Energy where I work as a Director of Project and with the co-operation of two other top officials, we have in our possession as overdue payment bills totalling Fourteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand U. S Dollars
(US$14,500,000.00) which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and co- operation of a foreign company/individual to receive the said funds on our behalf or a reliable foreign non-company account to receive such funds. More so, we are handicapped in this circumstance, as the South Africa Civil Service Code of Conduct does not allow us to operate offshore account hence your importance in the whole transaction.

This amount (US$14.5m) represents the balance of the total contract value executed on behalf of my Department by a foreign contracting firm, which we the officials over- invoiced deliberately. Though the actual contract cost been paid to the original contractor, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principles got approval to remit by Telegraphic Transfer (T.T) to any foreign bank account you will provide by filing in an application through the Justice Department here in South Africa for the transfer of rights and privileges of the former contractor to you.

I have the authority of my partners involved to discuss on the modalities of sharing with you.Your share of the entire sum will be (26.5%) US$3,842,500 (Three Million Eight Hundred and Forty-Two Thousand, Five Hundred United States Dollars, US$8,555,000 (Eight Million Five Hundred and Fifty-Five Thousand United States Dollars (59%)for us and (14.5%) US$2,102,500 (Two Million One Hundred and Two Thousand, Five Hundred United States Dollars) for taxation and miscellaneous expenses.The business itself has a minimal risk factor; on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality. Also, your area of specialization is not a hindrance to the successful execution of this transaction. I have reposed my confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me.

I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation. For absolute confidentiality,I will implore you to reply to this letter on the address below, to entertain any questions concerning the clarity of this transaction.E-mail:dr_moz@excite.com

Thank you in anticipation of your co-operation.

Best Regards,
Dr. Ugambe Mozambique

Sounds like a no brainer - eh? I'm glad I jumped all over this when I found out about it.

I don't have a clue how this guy knew I was an honest and respected person, but it doesn't really matter now. I haven't seen a deal like this since Bill Gates was giving away Microsoft stock just for e-mailing your friends.

I was a little skeptical about that one, so unfortunately I waited too long to get in on it and didn't make it work for me. That's why I'm so excited to be able to get another chance to get rich quick. I mean how often does lightning strike in the same place twice? I must have a horseshoe hanging out of my ass or something. Incredible!

Hopefully, my posting of his letter is not in violation of the confidentiality. I would hate to think that this offer could be revoked for any reason. I wonder how long it will take for my money to come in. I'll let you know.

posted by Dash | 9:45 AM | |

Tiger Woods won his fourth Masters golf tournament this past Sunday in dramatic fashion. He had to do it in a playoff with veteran Chris DiMarco. It was a goldmine for anybody associated with Tiger.

Nike who never manufactured golf equipment before they signed up Tiger, just reaped the most benefits. Nobody could have designed a better commercial for Nike products when the ball with the swoosh dropped in the hole after sitting on the lip for what seemed like an eternity. When that ball fell, all you could hear was cha-ching. The money started rolling in at that second.

Is there any doubt that millions of everyday hackers like myself are already ordering their new Nike clubs and will play with nothing but Nike golf balls this summer?

I think Tiger's contract with Nike is worth around $90 million. That is an enormous amount of money, but considering what he has done for their sales, I'd argue that he is grossly under paid. He is gold. Period.

One reason for the marketing bonanza is the tournament itself. The Masters is the premier event of all professional golf tournaments. If you have earned a green jacket during your career, you are among the elite in golf.

For 51 weeks out of the year, Augusta National Golf Club is arguably the most exclusive all-men's golf club in the country. This is the place where billionaires go to get away from mere millionaires. These days a lot of people argue with the club's rules because of their exclusion of female members, but you cannot diagree that they know how to put on a golf tournament.

Every year millions of golfers from around the world look forward to the first week in April when the tournament is held. If you want to actually be able to go to the tournament, you're late. The event has been sold out since 1972 and the waiting list was closed in 1978. There was a brief time in 2000 that the waiting list reopened, but it was closed shortly thereafter. The demand is just overwhelming.

The Masters was started at Augusta National by the legendary Bobby Jones in 1934. It has been a mainstay in the world of golf ever since with the exception of a few years during WWII.

The course itself is simply spectacular. Every hole has majestic pine trees and there are something like 80,000 plants of over 300 varieties scattered across the grounds. The azaleas and dogwoods are usually in full bloom during the tournament.

The perfectly manicured greens and fairways are heaven. I think the grounds crew must pay attention to every detail imaginable. The bunkers are raked to perfection. I'd be scared to have to hit out of one of them just because I wouldn't want to mess it up.

Most golfers I know would love to be able to play it and hate it at the same time. The experience would be great, but the course would seriously put a hurt on the average hacker's ego. I'm sure I'll never be able to play it, but you can bet I'll be watching the Masters every year.

posted by Dash | 10:41 AM | |

Shamelessly stolen from my friend Tanker at Mostly Cajun. I was not surprised to see that a lot of our answers were the same. You'll notice that some of my answers are non-answers or what I call "Clintons." Hey, that's my prerogative. I don't mind sharing a lot of things about myself, but I do enjoy a bit of anonymity. That said, here goes.

What time is it? 7:30 on a Tuesday morning. Yes, I'm at work already, but not yet on the clock.

Name as it appears on birth certificate: My agreement with the federal witness protection program precludes me from disclosing this information. Next question please.

Piercing: None. Although, I've always been interested in hanging by large fish hooks.

Eye color: Brown. People tell me it's because I'm full of shit. I say brown is beautiful, baby.

Place of birth: Baton Rouge, Louisiana, at Our Lady of the Lake Hospital. My first words were, "Geaux Tigers!"

Favorite food: I agree with Tanker. How can you run this one down to ONE thing? What I eat mostly is Mexican and Chinese (the food, not the people). We cook a lot of Cajun food along with BBQ and good old charcoal grilled steaks. We're omnivores and proud of it.

Ever been to Africa? Nope. I almost went to work on an oil rig in Camaroon, but turned it down when I found out that wasn't in the Gulf of Mexico.

Favorite clothing? Shorts and a T-shirt. Comfort before style, I say.

Ever been toilet papering? Nope. Never saw the thrill of it. All it's going to do is piss off the person who has to clean it up. If I'm gonna get shot, it ain't be from doing that.

Have you ever had a speeding ticket? A few. Got thrown in jail one time for speeding through Beaumont, Texas with a Louisiana license. That sucked.

Been in a car accident? Yes. I've totalled two vehicles. I'm lucky to be alive, as are the other assholes involved.

Favorite day of the week: Same as Tanker on this one, too. Saturday - for sure - especially during college football season.

Favorite restaurant: It depends on the mood - just like the food question. I have a lot of favorites. Mike Anderson's in Baton Rouge comes to mind. I never go to BR and not eat there. In Austin, I like Chuys or Z-Tejas. Jenna Bush says the margaritas at Chuys are the bestest.

Favorite flower: My first gut answer was Pillsbury All-Purpose because it makes the best roux, but I re-read the question and I have to say the Rose.

Favorite sport to watch: College football - hands down. I watch probably 4 to 6 games a week during the regular season. But, I never allow myself to win or lose more than $500 per week - that's my limit.

Favorite drink: A good single-malt Scotch on ice with a splash of water, or a Shiner Bock (by itself, not in the scotch).

Favorite fast food restaurant: Popeye's Fried Chicken. I could eat that stuff with some red beans and rice every day.

What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige. I find it hides the dirt better than other colors.

How many times did you fail your driver’s test? None. I'm an excellent driver. Excellent driver. Judge Wapner comes on at 6:30.

Favorite perfume: Whatever my wife is wearing ;)

What do you do most often when you are bored? Read blogs. Yardwork. Drink heavily. Not necessarily in that order. Probably explains the weird topiaries, though.

Bedtime? Usually shortly after 10 pm. I get up at 5:45 on workdays.

What is your favorite color? Blue. Except on paydays when I prefer green.

How many tattoos do you have? One, on the inside of my right ankle. It's the greek letters from my college fraternity. At the time, 26 years ago, before the whole tattoo craze started, it sounded cool. My mother cried when she saw it. Momma tried to raise me better, but her pleading I denied. That leaves only me to blame, cuz Momma tried.

Ever run out of gas? I could make a lame joke about eating a lot of red beans and rice, but I'll fess up and say yes I have run out of gas - many times. For some reason I like to see how far I can go on a tank. Since I travel so much, I have to fill up a lot as it is, so I stretch out every tank to the last bit of fumes. Maybe I shouldn't do that. Now, my truck has a light that comes on to warn me that I'm about to run out. I can get about 10-15 more miles when it comes on. I ran out of gas on a 4-wheeler one time while hunting in a national refuge. I had to walk about 5 miles to my truck, get a tank of gas and walk back to the 4-wheeler. Kind of messed up my hunt for the day.

What is the last book you read? "American Soldier" by Gen. Tommy Franks. I highly recommend it. It kind of reminds me of myself except that I was never in the Army and I never had to go to war.

UPDATE: TeaFizz has posted his answers to the questions. Go check 'em out.

posted by Dash | 5:50 AM | |

It appears there are some differences of opinion regarding the gambling statutes in Louisiana. Some guys got busted for playing poker in a bar.

The Alcohol Tobacco Control commissioner says he is just enforcing the law. Other law enforcement officials like the Jefferson Parish Sheriff (New Orleans) says according to his interpretation of the law, no arrests are warranted.

Raise. Call. Busted.
A state crackdown on Texas hold 'em tournaments is unsettling poker players as well as bar owners, legislators and even police, who all say the law is unclear

It kind of smells like a political situation to me. Think about it. There are several large casinos in the state that generate $600 million in taxes to the state every year. Is it naive to think that maybe the casinos have a little bit of influence over other gambling operations in the state?

I think with the exponential growth of Texas Hold 'Em Poker in the country, the small poker games held in bars across the country are starting to catch the eyes of the casinos. They think they're losing business to these smaller operations.

The general rule is that it's legal as long as the house doesn't take a cut of the pot. In these tournaments, 100% of the entry money is paid out in winnings. But, the bar owners are cashing in on the popularity through increased alcohol and food sales during the tournaments. Some say that's in violation of the law's intent.

There are some legislators, lawyers and judges who are going to fight this. They think the small bars should be able to host the events without being harassed by the ATC.

I guess we'll just have to stand by and see how it shakes out.

posted by Dash | 12:10 PM | |

Not that more than three people noticed, but I didn't blog this weekend. I'm not apologizing, just letting you know where I was.

For the last 25 years or so, five of my oldest friends and I have been getting together for a weekend of R&R. One of the guys has a small ranch in east Texas about halfway between Houston and Dallas. This is the meeting place. It works out well since three of us come from the Houston area and three of us are in the Austin area. Nobody lives more than three hours away.

We usually roll in to camp on Friday night and visit a little over a few brews and/or whiskeys. Sometimes a few tequila shots find their way into the mix. We catch up on what's been going on with everybody lately. Who's kids are doing what, who's had any surgery lately, who has changed jobs, who's marriage is on the rocks, etc.

There's a small cabin that was built in the early 60's by my friend's dad. He bought the property back then for $90 an acre. Nowadays, any property in that area will run you about $1,000 to $1,4oo per acre, depending upon where it is and if it has any utilities, etc.

The cabin will sleep all six of us comfortably. We have a water well, an old gas stove/oven to cook with, electricity and an electric water heater. There's no indoor toilet, but we do have the nicest outhouse I've ever seen. The shower is mounted to the outside of the house, so hopefully modesty is not a problem for anybody.

We usually bring our shotguns and have a little sporting clays tournament. We set up shooting stations around a small pond that is near the cabin. It's a little friendly competition that has evolved over the years. Usually after a few brews, we don't worry so much about who's winning. It's just fun to get out there and shoot.

After the clay shooting, we break out the pistols and set up some targets. Everything from .22's to .45's will be heard through the piney woods.

After we've been through a few hundred rounds, it's time to move on to some quieter, more alcohol friendly activities. It's called washer pitching. A lot of you know what I'm talking about, but for those of you who don't, it goes something like this.

It's like horseshoe pitching without the horseshoes. We stick two - 3 inch diameter pieces of PVC pipe in the ground about 20 feet apart. Then we try to pitch 2-1/2 inch washers into the 3 inch holes. It's basically the same rules as horseshoes as far as scoring goes - one in the hole is worth three points, one leaning over the edge of the hole is worth two points and the closest to the hole is worth one point. Each player pitches three washers per round. First player to 11 wins. It's a lot of fun, especially after a lot of adult beverages have been consumed.

After the games, it was time to prepare the main meal of the weekend. We usually cook either barbecue or steaks. Occasionally we'll have a fish fry. This time we had a crawfish boil. I picked up about 60 lbs. of Louisiana crawdads on Friday on my way out of town. Normally you can figure about 6-8 lbs. per person on average, but this crew is known for their eating abilities. I figured 10 lbs. per person and it was about right. When the last person finally walked away from the table, there were only about 4 lbs. left.

After that we built a small campfire. The temperature dropped about 20 degrees when the sun went down. It got a little chilly. The fire was a good way for us to kind of sit around and relax after a full day. The drinks were still flowing and somebody brought some good cigars.

The next morning, after a few pots of strong coffee and a light breakfast, it was time to start cleaning up and packing up. Nobody was moving very fast, but everybody was happy about how the weekend went. At about noon, it was time to head out and start thinking about getting back to the old real world.

We're already starting to make plans for the next one.

posted by Dash | 10:20 AM | |

Golf weather is definitely here. It never really goes away for some die hards I know, but for me, I like to wait until spring when the attire is no more than a knit golf shirt and a pair of slacks or even shorts if it's warm enough. I'm into comfort when I play which is why I don't play much in the winter months or when it's raining.

I had a short post earlier this week about my favorite golfer Jack Nicklaus and I read something about him that is becoming more and more common these days. He recently had "another" back surgery. It seems that if we play this game long enough, we'll eventually wind up with back problems. I know I do.

Let's face it. The golf swing is a very complex, repetitive athletic movement that can cause chronic back injuries to golfers all the way from the pros who play practically every day to weekend hackers like me. It's getting hard to find a golfer these days who doesn't have or hasn't had some type of back problem.

The fitness experts say that is because golf requires that you swing at the ball while standing to the side of it. This twisting strains the muscles and compresses the vertebrae in the lower back. This can lead to a condition called "golfer's back." It can be frustrating because the condition hinders your ability to play golf.

The pros get this from repetition and overuse of the torso, while amateurs typically get it from poor swing technique and overall poor physical conditioning. That's me.

Improper swing mechanics lead to muscular strains and sprains in the lower back. In my experience, this is aggravated by activity and relieved with rest and anti-inflammatory medications.

Prevention for the weekender is torso strengthening, practicing proper swing techniques, and proper warm up and stretching of the major muscle groups before playing. How many people do you see getting out of their cars, running up to the first tee box, and swinging away without any warming up? I see that all the time and I think those folks are asking for trouble.

Torso strength is extremely important to the golfer who wants to prevent injury and increase performance. With increased torso strength you'll see an improvement in your driving distances due to increased club head speed. For guys like me between 40 and 60, the torso is the hardest part of the body to keep in shape. But this is the area that most always needs the most work.

There are lots of back and torso exercises that help strengthen those areas. Start doing some slow twisting and bending exercises and work your way up. Don't try to get you muscles in shape in one week. It took you a long time to get out of shape, so it stands to reason it will take you a good while to reverse it.

Stretching is not just a good idea. To me, it's imperative before I try to play a round. Get those muscles warmed up and give them a good fifteen minutes to stretch out and get some blood pumping through them. If you know anything about golf, a tight muscle is the worse possible way to hit a good shot. You need to be loose and easy.

Flexibility will help your swing and club head speed, too. So, not only will it not hurt when you swing, you'll hit it better and farther. If you want to know how Tiger Woods hits the ball so far, watch how far his torso flexes during his backswing. He gets such a major shoulder and upper body turn, it looks like he's going to corkscrew himself into the turf. He probably generates 50 percent more club head speed than most amateur golfers out there.

So, if you're a golfer, start getting those backs in shape before you go out to play. In the long run, you'll be happy you did.

posted by Dash | 10:16 AM | |

Is this ironic? A professional pole swinger was injured while swinging on a pole in San Antonio.

SAN ANTONIO -- A 19-year-old exotic dancer was injured while sliding on a fire pole at a West Side fire station, sources told KSAT 12 News.

Sources said that three off-duty San Antonio Fire Department firefighters visited a gentlemen's club in October 2004 when two dancers followed the trio to Fire Station No. 10 at Culebra and Zarzamora roads because the women wanted to slide down the fire pole.

How could that be? I have a few theories.

Since she probably had been working that night before the firemen brought her to the firehouse, it's possible that the level of her intoxication was lower than normal, therefore throwing off her balance. Also, they might not have been playing the right kind of music while she was attempting to slide. That could have caused her to mis-time her swing.

Another theory is that upon her descent, the firefighters in attendance didn't stuff enough dollars into her g-string, she got mad, and feigned injury to get them back.

The only other thing I can think of is that the diameter of the firehouse pole was different from what she was accustomed to at the gentlemen's club. She probably just lost her grip.

Regardless, I don't think her employer's workers comp carrier is going to want to pick up the bill on this one. I'm sure she has hired a lawyer and has filed a claim against the firehouse, though.

I guess you just can't bring dates to the workplace anymore.

posted by Dash | 9:30 AM | |

A while back I wrote about a fun, impulsive road trip I made to the beach when I was in college. A friend of mine and I went to Biloxi in the middle of the night with a couple of ready, willing and able coeds.

Well, later that same summer (I think it was '80, but it's all a blur to me for some reason) the same four revelers went on another road trip. Although, this one was actually planned in advance.

While not quite as exciting as the spur of the moment trip, it was a good one. We went to the Willie Nelson Fourth of July Picnic in Austin, Texas. This one was touted as being the last one Willie was going to do. That's funny now, because as we all know, Willie and friends have been doing this every year since. It's hard to believe that was 25 years ago.

We made all the arrangements, i.e. getting tickets, saving money for gas, beer, food, liquor, beer and of course beer. A good friend of ours named Luke was going to UT and had an apartment in Austin. We would crash at his place.

It's amazing how your idea of a good place to stay changes as you grow older. Back then, any place that was halfway clean, had a bathroom, and had A/C would have been perfect. Luke had a small apartment as he lived alone, but we didn’t care. We were just happy we didn't have to sleep in the truck like we did when we went to Biloxi. These days, if I don't have a decent bed to sleep on, I'll be down in the back for a week at least.

It's a pretty long haul from Baton Rouge to Austin, so we split the trip up and stayed at my folks' place in Houston on the way. That way we could get to Austin by noon that Friday and spend the rest of the weekend partying.

That Friday night, Luke took us out to see the college town hangouts on 6th Street. It's known for having a lot of live music and bars that pretty much rock all the time, especially on a Friday night. It's a little different today, but there's still a lot of nightlife and live music in Austin. Back then I never dreamed I'd ever live there.

The next day we hung out at Luke's pool and recuperated for our upcoming trip out to the main event. It was so hot outside that we pretty much stayed in the pool all morning until it was time to go.

The picnic was held out at Willie's private golf course. He lost it when he got into trouble with the IRS, but back then, it was a cool place. The whole thing was reminiscent of Woodstock. The bandstand was set up on the 18th green and the fairway that led up to the green was sloped so that it was like one huge stadium.

Back then they let you bring in whatever you could carry, so we toted two ice chests full of drinks, munchies, blankets, chairs, you name it. There were thousands of people there. It was a blast.

There were probably 20 other bands and entertainers there besides Willie. I don't remember most of them, but I remember having a good time.

We made it back to Luke's sometime that night. He wanted to know if we were interested in going out again. Hell, the bars weren't closed yet. I think it was unanimous that we would stay at the apartment and just chill. The afternoon heat (I think it went over 100 degrees that day) along with all the alcohol had taken its toll on us. We just wanted to sit down and relax.

The next morning we weren't moving very quickly. It wasn't too hot yet, so we squeezed in a few more minutes of pool time before heading out. At about 11 am we headed east, back to the old real world.

It's about a 7 hour drive from Austin to BR. With a few stops to eat and such, we made it home by about 7 pm that Sunday evening.

We all decided it was a fun trip and we wanted to do it again. But, as in life, things change. When the regular fall semester started up again we went back to our normal everyday lives and the four of us never got back together again.

I still see my buddy about twice a year. He has his own successful business and is doing well. He worked as a cameraman for ABC Sports for about 10 years and then started his own production company. If you've watched a lot of sports specials or hunting and fishing shows, you've probably seen some of his work. He does a lot of music documentary type stuff, too. We'll get together for a brew or two when he comes to my part of the country about once a year on business.

He also comes to a small reunion we have in Houston every summer. A group of us from college will get together for an Astros game and a day of golf or sporting clays and then a late night of cards. It's good to keep in touch with old friends like that.

One of the girls actually married another one of my best friends and I see them two or three times a year, too. I have no idea whatever happened to the other girl. Her brother played for the L.A. Dodgers and she always talked about moving out to California. I would guess that she eventually did.

All I know is, that was a fun trip - at least from the parts I can remember.

posted by Dash | 10:55 AM | |

If you're a golfer or if you're from the southeast, I don't have to tell you what's going on this weekend. It's the Masters Tournament at Augusta National. Some say it's the finest golf tournament in the world.

My all-time favorite golfer is Jack Nicklaus. When I was a kid growing up and learning how to play, Jack was my idol. He was the Tiger Woods of my childhood. Nobody could touch him.

Jack won more major tournaments (18) and more Masters (6) than anyone ever in the history of the game. What people liked about him was his soft spoken gentleman's way of interacting with the fans and media. I was fortunate to have met him in Houston a couple of weeks after he won his last Masters in 1986. He'll be making his 45th appearance in the Masters this week.

Jack was in Palm Springs, California, at one of the 245 golf courses that he has designed, last month when his wife delivered some tragic news. Their 17 month old grandson had drowned in a hot tub. Jack and Barbara rushed home to Florida to be with their four kids and 17 other grandchildren.

Nicklaus has won 73 golf tournaments and has built a large business empire with almost 500 tournaments being played on 77 courses that he designed. But, I'm sure all the trophies, accolades and assets meant very little to him and the rest of his family when they had to bury that little kid.

We'll be thinking about you, Jack.

posted by Dash | 2:04 PM | |

Michelle Malkin has a column on Hanoi Jane that's... let's say, not flattering. She's ripping Jane Fonda for playing up the neurotic victim of the famous Hollyweird set.

There she is in The New York Times. And Time magazine. And on "Good Morning America," blabbing about her bizarre trio of ex-husbands and their various pathologies. Adultery. Alcoholism. Prostitutes. Group sex. Blecchh. Aging hippies never learn. As college students, they had no appreciation of the value of self-restraint. Decades later as senior citizens (Jane Fonda is a 67-year-old woman prattling on, Howard Stern-style, about threesomes, for heaven's sake), they still have no appreciation of the value of discretion.

Jane Fonda is trying to sell her tell-all book. Apparently, it has all the sordid details about her three weirdo husbands. She talks about her bulimia and how hard it was growing up as the daughter of a Hollywood legend.

The main reason for Malkin's venom is that Fonda is still, after all these years, not offering up a real apology for her treasonous actions in Vietnam. She's saying that it was a mistake and all that, but not actually issuing any semblance of an honest apology.

The woman delivered numerous broadcasts on Radio Hanoi claiming tortured POWs were in "good health," calling her own president a "new-type Hitler" on enemy airwaves, and accusing American pilots of being "war criminals."Vietnam veterans see clearly through Fonda's ploy -- yet another insult to the memory of fallen American troops.

I guess she has to live with herself and she's the only one who knows if she truly regrets what she did during that time. But, it would be a huge step in the right direction if she would simply apologize to those she hurt.

posted by Dash | 1:00 PM | |

The Demystifying Divas have tackled another tough topic. This week's question was proffered by Dax Montana.

The topic is "Cheating." Not on your income tax, but on your significant other. What's cheating? When are you cheating? When should the cheater be publicly excoriated?

Sadie, Christina, Silk and Kathy weigh in while the members of the Men's Club (Wizzard, Zonker, Phin and Puffy) respond with the male perspective.

Check them out.

posted by Dash | 8:45 AM | |

Is it just me, or are people going completely whacko? People are suspending themselves with fish hooks through their skin.

WTF? I guess I'm getting old when I think these people need to be rounded up and shot. Tattoos and certain piercings are pretty acceptable these days, but this is seriously screwed up.

Hey, honey! I have a great idea. Instead of going to a movie and dancing, let's stick some fish hooks through our backs and just kind of... hang out for a while. Doesn't that sound cool?

Let me just say, if I ever tell anybody to stick fish hooks through my back and hang me like that, just take a .45 and put one right square between my eyes. Tell my loved ones that I over ripened and wasn't fit to take up space on this world any longer.

Maybe it's a brain virus. Rabies, maybe? I don't know. Somebody please try to 'splain this to me.

posted by Dash | 7:38 AM | |

Colorado troopers are starting to enforce the "dawdling in the left lane" law. They're writing tickets for sitting in the left lane. Remember the one supposed to be used for passing?

All I can say is, "It's about freakin' time!"

I spend a lot of hours a week on interstate highways and one of my pet peeves is getting behind someone going slow in the left lane. The law is clear - it's just rarely enforced. Maybe Texas will see fit to follow suit and start writing tickets.

DENVER Apr 4, 2005 — Colorado is serious about its no-dawdling law in left lanes. Drivers who insist on staying in the passing lane are risking tickets as the State Patrol has begun enforcing a law requiring motorists to use the left lane for passing only.

Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!

posted by Dash | 11:08 AM | |

A truck was stopped in California with 15,433 pounds of marijuana in it. That's nearly eight tons! The value is estimated at $4.5 million.

That reminded me of a neighbor of mine back in the early '80's. I was still single and living in a adults only apartment complex out in the western suburbs of Houston. There was a lot of recreational drug activity going on back then and this apartment complex was no different - not that I ever did anything like that, of course.

Anyway, my neighbor was a dealer. That's what he did for a living. Originally from Florida, he had developed a fairly lucrative business in our city. He wasn't real flashy, but everyone knew what he did. Let's say his name was Randy.

Other than his chosen vocation, Randy was a pretty normal guy. He was your typical hippy who stayed up all night playing his guitar and making business deals. He would normally sleep until about 2 or 3 pm and then start his daily routine.

Randy was a very generous guy. I remember every Memorial Day, he would put on a huge party at the pool with lots of barbecue, kegs of beer, and various and sundry other party items. He said he wanted to host the party in his dad's memory who was killed in Korea. Everybody loved Randy.

One Saturday afternoon I was out by the pool and I asked Randy if I could borrow his bathroom since it was right there by the pool. He said sure, I'll let you in. When I went in, I couldn't help but notice a tall stack of what appeared to be bricks heavily wrapped in cellophane sitting on his coffee table.

When he saw what I was looking at, he kind of laughed. He knew I was wondering what it was, but was scared to ask. He said he had just gotten in some inventory the night before and hadn't had time to do anything with it yet. He said it was about 100 pounds of high grade hash. It was at that point I decided to go to the bathroom and get the hell out of there. That was all I needed - to get caught in somebody's apartment with something like that. Damn!

About a year went by without much noise about what Randy was doing. He was the model tenant - always paid his rent on time, didn't play loud music all hours, was always eager to help someone move in or out. Like I said, everybody loved Randy.

One night the feds and local police moved in. They had been staking him out for a few weeks and were pretty aware of his schedule. He had just gotten in from Florida with a shipment.

They went in, arrested him, totally destroyed his apartment looking for drugs and whatever else they could find. All told, they found something like 30,000 qualudes, about 4 ounces of cocaine, and about 5 kilos of pot. Randy was in some serious shit.

I ran into him about a year after that in a restaurant. He looked totally different with a short haircut, no facial hair, and no earrings. I asked him what was happening and he said he was getting ready to go back to court to find out his fate. He said he thought he would get up to five years in the pen which meant he could possibly be out in as little as 18 months assuming everything went well.

I never heard anything more about him after that. Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to Randy. He's probably a blogger now - getting ready to go to a blogmeet somewhere. It could happen.

posted by Dash | 10:05 AM | |

I wish I had a dollar for every story I've heard about cars or trucks hitting deer on the road. It happens here all the time. There are so many of the critters, they turn in to road kill faster than a southbound armadillo on I -10.

The buzzards are thankful, but drivers should beware. Here's a story about a twin-prop airplane that hit one in Florida. That could have been bad if that prop had hit somebody.

My favorite deer hit was from a couple of years ago. My best friend hit one on a motorcycle. No shit! He was going about 55 mph when he hit it, too.

Yes, my friend lived to tell about it. But, thanks for asking. Let's just say it's an experience he'll never forget and hopes not to repeat.

It happened one morning at about 7 am on Hwy. 290 between Dripping Springs and Oak Hill. That's southwest of Austin and it's in the Hill Country which is known to have a lot of deer.

He had a hankering for a new Harley, but didn't really know which one he liked best, so he decided to rent one for a couple of days and give it a run. He even took two vacation days so he could ride it during the week and avoid a lot of traffic.

Well, he didn't make it 5 miles from his house that morning before a doe walked right out in front of him and stopped broadside. He said he was cruising about 70 when he first saw her and decided to slow down a little to watch her cross the road.

He hit her right dab in the middle - literally split her in two and never laid down the bike. Once pulled over safely to the side, he pulled the remains off the bike, straightened the bent fender and went back home.

After he woke up his wife to tell her what had happened he decided it might be smart (for insurance purposes) to take some pictures. They were pretty gruesome - blood and guts all hanging off the sides of that beautiful ride. My friend had some pics of himself soaked in the deer's blood, too.

Without even changing clothes, he headed up to the Harley dealership to tell them what happened and fill out whatever paperwork would be necessary for the insurance. When he got there, the folks couldn't believe it. They started telling him how lucky he was and recounting several less fortunate similar collisions. This went on for several minutes.

Finally, my friend said to the salesman, "Hey, I paid good money to rent this thing. Can you get me another one real quick? I saw another herd of deer up the hill on the way over here."

At first they laughed and said yeah, right. Then they were strangely silent. He told him he was only joking, but he did want another bike.

Funny thing... my friend still hasn't bought a new motorcycle. I wonder if he had a change of heart.

posted by Dash | 6:30 PM | |

Yesterday was a long day. I had to go to Dallas for a fun filled day of meetings. It seems the owner wants to see if we can trim a couple million out of the budget for this latest project. When posed with the question, I said sure, we can cut that much, but the designers are going to have to agree to make some real scope changes.

So, we set up some meetings to discuss possibilities, cost savings potentials, etc. Some of the designers are in Baltimore. I thought I was going to have to go all the way back up there, but we agreed to meet at another office in Dallas instead.

I had an early morning flight out of Austin to be able to get there for the first meeting at 8:30. I didn't want to go the night before, so I decided to just go there and back in one day. It's usually pretty easy considering it's only a one hour flight. But, now you have to get there an hour early for the security crap and the airport is a good hour drive from my house out in the sticks. So, all that translates into me having to leave my house no later than 4:30 am.

Getting up that early to go hunting or fishing is one thing. But, to go to work is quite another. At least the weather was nice and at that hour I shouldn't have to fight much traffic.

Well, I got about 15 miles from the airport and discovered that Murphy's Law was in effect. There was a bad wreck on the interstate just before my exit. Traffic was backed up for miles at 5 am. Luckily, I know some backroads and was able to skirt past most of the mess without losing too much time. In fact, I was pretty proud that I had made it there on time, notwithstanding the bad traffic.

I got through security without much problem. All I had to do was take off my jacket, belt and shoes. I was travelling light, so no checked luggage and not much carry-on either. Whew... made it through that.

I got to my gate and read up on the monitor that my flight was delayed by thirty minutes. Great! Well, now I have a good hour to kill before I'll need to board. How about some breakfast?

Have you eaten in an airport lately? I don't mind paying decent money for a good lunch or a nice dinner, but paying that kind of money for a mediocre breakfast just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I didn't have anything else to do, so I ate some overpriced, luke warm breakfast. It tasted like it might have been there since the day before. I don't know.

Anyway, the plane finally showed up and before we knew it, we were off. The good thing about going to Dallas from Austin is that by the time you reach cruising altitude, it's time to begin the descent and it happens very quickly. We had time for one quick cup of coffee and it was time to buckle up and get ready to land. I loved that part. I don't mind flying, but there's just something disconcerting about being squeezed into a plane with 150 strangers for longer than an hour or so. I be needing my space, man!

As soon as we landed, I noticed that we were at the last gate in the terminal. Of course we were. I hustled to the cab while calling our host to let him know I would be running a few minutes late. If they were so inclined, they could get started without me.

The meetings included an owner from Baltimore, two architects from Baltimore, an engineer from Fort Worth, another architect from Dallas, two subcontractors from Austin, two subcontractors from Dallas, and me as the general contractor.

It was clear from the architects' demeanor that the owner had worked them over pretty severely before the meeting. They were uncharacteristically willing to cut parts of this project that were previously deemed "sacred cows." I was surprised, but encouraged. Ususally those "value engineering" meetings boil down to a test of wills between what the owner wants to cut and what the architect will "allow" to be cut. It's all a matter of "design integrity", dontcha know.

Working straight through lunch, we made it through our last sheet of proposed changes at about 4 pm. Everybody was pretty brain dead by then and we were ready for a break to kind of step back and digest all of the slashing we had done. Everyone had a long "to do" list to take back to their respective offices and report back in the next few days. At least the host of the meeting had enough foresight to order in some sandwiches for us to munch on during the sessions.

I think if the owner and designers really agree to most of the changes that were proposed, we'll be able to cut about 1.5 to 2 million dollars. So, all in all, it was a productive meeting.

Now, I had to get to the airport for my return trip. It was 4 pm and my flight was at 5. I thought I'd go ahead and give it a shot, so I asked if one of the locals could give me a lift down the road to Love Field. I got there at about 4:25, got my boarding pass, made my way through security and was at my gate by 4:40. It was then that I discovered my flight was running 30 minutes late. Great... again!

At 5:30, I boarded my plane and said okay, I'll be back in Austin by 6:30 and home by no later than 8pm. Wrong again! First of all, the flight was the roughest one I think I've ever experienced. Apparently, when we weren't looking, a thunderstorm came in with high winds and bad rain. We were not allowed to land in Austin. And to make it worse, since it was so rough, we couldn't have any drinks. Shit!

After about 30 or 40 minutes in a holding pattern, we were finally allowed to land in Austin. Luckily, the storm had passed on to the east. For a flight that was scheduled to land at 6, we finally hit the terminal after 7 pm. Thank God I didn't have any luggage to wait for. I hit the parking garage, found my truck and headed home.

The storm that had just come through knocked out power to about 6 major traffic lights from the airport to the interstate. That added about 20 minutes to my trip home and I needed to gas up, too. I think I rolled in to the casa at about 8:45 pm.

I wonder why I'm so tired this morning.

posted by Dash | 9:49 AM | |