That's right sports fans. It's time to start talking about college football again. I know, I know... you say, "But Dash, college football season is over."

Well, yes and no. The part where they actually play the games is over. But, everybody knows a lot of work goes on between the end of the season and the start of the next season. Every good football coach knows that the X's and O's part of the job is but a small part of being a successful college football coach.

Recruiting is what I'm talkin' 'bout, boys and girls. How do you think a star high school player decides where he's going to play college football? It starts with a college coach building a relationship with that kid.

Over the months and perhaps years before a high school kid can even think about suiting up against the best in the game, some savvy and astute college coach is putting the moves on him. The really good coaches usually get help from allies such as high school coaches and parents. I grew up hearing stories about how Bear Bryant would go to these kids' homes on Sundays to eat fried chicken and get to know the parents. It's called building trust and convincing mom and dad that their prize possession is going to be taken care of and will be taught by the best.

"Oh, and we'll make sure he studies real hard and makes his grades, too. After all, we're mostly interested in his academic endeavors. Football is just a little something extra." Riiight.

This week, college football fans across the country are checking their favorite internet recruiting sites to get the latest poop on where the top recruits are going to play.

By now, for most of the top programs, the proverbial hay is already in the barn and there won't be a lot of "news" come signing day. But, there are always those "undeclared" players who cause even the most seasoned of us football junkies to cringe.

It has become a spectator sport its ownself. Waiting until the last possible moment to declare where a potential star commits to play is the last shot of adrenaline before it's time to go back to the practice field and "see what we got."

We all complain about the undeclared players, but without them and their flair for the dramatic, National Signing Day would be about as exciting as watching Tiger Woods sink a three footer in the Buick Invitational.

You also have the phenomenon of some of the stars decommitting at one school and signing with another at the last second. A lot of folks who follow recruiting say there should be a rule to keep players from doing this. I think it's just part of the procedure.

When a potential star snubs a program that he committed to earlier in the year, it just adds to the excitement. People will talk about "the one that got away" from now on. Who knows how good UT would have been with an Adrian Peterson (favorite son of Texas who opted to play for the dreaded Sooners of Oklahoma) in the backfield with Vince Young? Maybe that combination wouldn't have worked at all. We'll never know.

The last second changes of heart usually work both ways. This year it appears that my LSU Tigers are going to have a great recruiting season. That is if we don't get any more surprises. Yesterday, a couple of sure thing commitments changed their minds and declared they would not play for LSU as they had previously promised. Also, one of the prized home grown players who had committed to Michigan stated that he would change to LSU.

Last year, coveted high school star quarterback Ryan Perrilloux announced on signing day that he would play for LSU. This came as quite a shock to those Longhorn fans and coaches who had been told for months that he was committed to going to UT.

You never know until the fat lady sings and I'm getting excited because I can hear her clearing her throat in preparation for another great performance.

So, take a deep seat and buckle up. It's surely going to be another bumpy ride.

posted by Dash | 12:35 PM | |

Ford Motor Company announced a couple of weeks ago that they were going to have to layoff upwards of 25,000 jobs in the near future.

Why?

Because people are buying fewer Fords than they were in years past. Ford has become less and less able to produce autos that you and I want to buy. Let me rephrase that. Ford has become less and less able to produce autos and sell them at a price that you and I are willing to pay.

What happens when that happens is what we saw a couple of weeks ago. It's the harsh reality of companies needing to be able to make a profit to be able to stay in business. If you sell fewer cars than you need to, then you have to either figure out a way to sell more cars, or something on the liability side of the ledger has to change.

In this case, it's going to be a lot of employees' salaries and benefits.

The auto industry isn't the only one out there having these kinds of problems. Look at the airlines and newspapers. They're having similar pains right now.

The news is bad and good. Obviously it's bad for the employees who thought they were going to have jobs forever. It's bad for those who depended on the company's good health for their livelyhoods.

But, it's good for the consumers who will get more product for less money. It's good for the stockholders who watched the Ford stock go up after the announcement.

Capitalism is a very dynamic thing. Market forces are continously changing and causing companies to make adjustments.

Historically, many of the companies that have to deal with these set-backs come back even stronger than they were before. In the early '80's, Chrysler came back from the grips of bankruptcy due to some changes in marketing and inventory accounting practices. $1.5 billion in guaranteed government loans didn't hurt either. Today, $1.5 billion is pocket change for Chrysler.

So, things change in capitalist economies. While painful to some, those changes are necessary to make sure the market provides the best products for the best prices to consumers. In my opinion, that's a good thing.

UPDATE: Shoe at Chou Chope has her own version of the pains of capitalism. I love smart women. Go check it out.

posted by Dash | 8:35 AM | |

I saw these and thought they were pretty accurate... not that I'd have first hand knowledge of them or anything, you see.

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke -- yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five number 2's you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Here... take my car keys. I really shouldn't be driving.
Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Sorry I'm being such a jackass

H/T to my buddy Jim.

posted by Dash | 5:55 AM | |

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

posted by Dash | 6:59 PM | |

Is it me, or is "pop" music becoming more stupid every day? Brent Bozell has a good article today about that.

But the dumbest rapper of the new year is Kanye West, who is boldly going to that final frontier of egomania, the Jesus comparison. He's pictured on the cover of the new Rolling Stone magazine with a crown of thorns on his head and blood on his face, a persecuted martyr. The cover reads "The Passion of Kanye West." That's pretty bold for a millionaire superstar rapper. Perhaps it's a crucifixion at the hands of people who took issue with him -- how dare they! -- for ruining a Red Cross TV hurricane fundraiser with his wild, divisive bleatings about white racism, soldiers shooting at blacks, and President Bush's disdain for black people.

I've always thought rap was stupid, but now even country music is getting in on the act. Case in point - Trace Atkins' song Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. What a fine piece of music that is.

Now Honey, you can't blame her
For what her mama gave her
You ain't gotta hate her
For workin' that money-maker
Band shuts down at two
But we're hangin' out till three
We hate to see her go
But love to watch her leave
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
(Ooh, that's what I'm talkin' bout right there, honey)

No, what I'm talkin' 'bout right there is just plain ol' STUPID!

posted by Dash | 10:43 AM | |

When I checked my email this morning, I started deleting the usual spam. When I saw this one, I thought it might be helpful to some of you out there. You know me - always willing to help out my fellow man (or woman in this case). If I can help just one person with this, it will have been worth it.

Here's what I saw:

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

(Side effects may include the following: Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.)

posted by Dash | 6:00 AM | |

It was, it was!

Check it out here at Christina's place. It was great to see everyone this weekend. I think it was a good tune up for the big blogmeet coming up in Austin in April.

UPDATE: El Capitan has a few pics up from Saturday at the Casa. Go by and have a look-see.

posted by Dash | 10:15 AM | |

I heard about this speech this morning on the radio. Ray Nagin is upset that more black folks aren't moving back to NOLA to vote for him.

So on MLK Day, he made a speech that said God wants The Big Easy to be "chocolate" again. Later he said it wasn't devisive or racist to use such language.

Can you imagine if a white mayoral candidate had made a speech saying he wanted the city to become more "vanilla?" Brothers Jesse and Al would be orating on Jackson Square the next day demanding retribution and restitution.

What this all boils down to is that Nagin knows his chances of being re-elected as mayor are greatly reduced if more blacks don't come back to the city to vote for him.

The tens of thousands of evacuees who are still on the FEMA dole in other cities don't have any reason to come back to NOLA. In most cases, there's nothing there for them to come home to.

Over time, their neighborhoods will be rebuilt and more of them will return. But, I'm afraid it will be too late to save Nagin's attempt to keep himself on the government dole.

Update: Well, that didn't take long. Check out this new website for Willy Nagin and the Chocolate Factory.

posted by Dash | 9:58 AM | |

I don't have to wear a tie at work, but I'm thinking it might not be so bad after all. I'm definitely going to have to get me one of these.

I especially like the BMD (Beverage Management Device). It's the "ultimate 'hands-free' management system."

The Black model would be for more formal situations, but I'm partial to the Woodland Camo style.

posted by Dash | 3:16 PM | |

Of course everybody already knows the recent increase in the cost of a postage stamp is George W's fault. If he had just signed that damn Kyoto Treaty, none of this would have happened.

Going to the post office to buy 2 cent stamps is really a pain. I've been wondering about alternatives and this is the best idea I've seen.

Now, where are my scissors?

posted by Dash | 10:46 AM | |

I just read this article where a lady suffocated under the weight of tons of stuff she had collected in her own house. She was litterally buried alive.

At first, I thought, WTF? How could this happen? Could a person really save enough stuff in his or her house to be dangerous? I guess so.

It's an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder called "Hoarding."

Once upon a time, I dated a girl who by all accounts came from a relatively normal family. She and her three sisters were all well educated and successful people who had been raised by a single working mother.

The first time I was invited to her mother's house for dinner, I was shocked. She lived in a three bedroon, two bathroom ranch style house that was probably 2000 square feet and had an attached two-car garage. But, upon entering the house, I noticed something was very wrong.

There was so much clutter, you could hardly get from room to room. You litterally had to turn sideways to get through several foot high piles of "stuff." This woman lived in this house alone and had hoarded enough crap to fill almost every square inch of her house.

I noticed she parked her car out in the driveway. When I opened the door to the garage, I found out why. You couldn't have fit a spare tire in there, much less a car. For all I knew, there was a car in there under all that stuff.

Now, I can understand having a lot of miscellaneous stuff in your garage. Hell, right now, I can fit only one car in my own garage. The lawn equipment, bicycles and sports equipment take up almost half the room. But, you can get through there without being in fear of something falling on you.

I was dumbfounded. Here was an intelligent, successful woman who had done a good job raising four children, and if you could make your way to the couch, you had to move piles of magazines, clothes, and who knows what to be able to sit down.

Claustophobia has never been a problem for me, but I think I got a taste of it while in that house. The question that kept running through my mind was, "What if you have to get out of the house in an emergency situation like a fire?" You almost couldn't open the doors wide enough to get in and out. You definitely couldn't have gotten to a window. It was crazy.

I finally had to ask her daughter why she didn't get rid of all this "junk." The answer was that she always thought she might need it someday. Apparently the children just accepted it and let her do it if it made her happy.

I didn't really get the feeling that it was "dirty", just overly full of what I considered crap. I guess if 90 percent of your space is occupied, you don't have a big problem cleaning the remaining 10 percent. Who knows?

This is a condition that a lot of people have in varying degrees. Some people with this call themselves collectors. They think there is some monetary value to the stuff they collect. Some just have a real problem getting rid of anything. I suppose it's a fear of the thought that one day, they might just need that item. So, you can't throw it away.

I personally don't have a problem with people collecting or hoarding tons of stuff. If I had my way, I'd collect tons of Corvettes. But, when it becomes a hazard, it might be time to evaluate the situation and do something about it.

People with this condition can get help. Don't wait until you become buried alive by your own stuff.

posted by Dash | 10:05 AM | |

Okay, I have to admit I have a foot fetish. I can't help it, I love women's feet. Sure, I love the rest of the body parts, too. But there's something about the female foot.

But, damn! Women with size 13 feet? That's a lot of foot to love - some would say too much.

I know you're probably saying there's no such thing as too much of a good thing, but where do you draw the line?

Apparently, women with sasquatchian feet have been getting the short end of the deal when it comes to fashionable footwear. I did not know this. I guess I'm not the epitome of the sensitive modern male I thought I was.

Now, you can get shoes in the latest fashion in large sizes.

Eleven and 12 are not oddball sizes anymore," says Bob Lewis, whose Prevata line of Italian-made leather shoes is sold in those sizes at Nordstrom's and independent retailers. "I think it's a huge market, and in my own retail stores we take advantage of that tremendously," concurs Donald J. Pliner, who offers sizes 11 and 12 in his four eponymous outlets.

So, now I know. Women with big feet need love too.

posted by Dash | 10:06 AM | |

I was going to write a long post about the Rose Bowl and all the other 327 bowl games I watched over the last two and a half weeks, but I'm worn out. I'm gassed. I'm toast.

What a season! It started with the Tigers getting jacked up by Katrina and then Rita and ended with the hometown Horns beating the Men of Troy in their own back yard last night in the Grand-daddy of 'em all, the Rose Bowl.

All I can say is, that was a great game to cap off a great season. Congrats to all of my Longhorn friends and family!

One of my brothers (who's a Longhorn) wrote me an e-mail this morning saying this:

"Now that LSU, Ohio State and Texas have gotten championships, do you think it's time for Georgetown to start up its football program again?"

You see, out of all the schools that members of my family have graduated from, Georgetown is the only one that hasn't won a football championship. But, in their defense, they don't have a team.

My response was, "Sure... why not?"

posted by Dash | 3:20 PM | |

I'm back to work for the new year and of course with the new year come the usual changes. In my business, there are only a few things that are absolute truths, but one of them is that things will change. I like to comply with the old saw, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." But, it seems in the business world, the first of the the year is the time to make changes to the way you operate.

The theory is that you should learn from your past experiences and especially your mistakes. No matter how much preplanning is done before a project starts, something unexpected will happen which forces a change to the plan. So, we make changes in the way we do things and hope for the best.

Another absolute truth is that the "show must go on." In other words, the project still must be completed regardless of obstacles that arise. It's our job to make that happen. Experienced and successful people are experts at taking current resources and finding a way to get the job done. Sometimes this calls for a change in the plan, but it has to happen. Failure is not an option. My boss' pat answer to most any problem that pops up is, "handle it." So we do.

Our company safety director says the key to elevating a good safety program to a great one is an organization's ability to manage change. Change to something that is very familiar can make people forget what is very important. To illustrate this, he likes to tell this story:

In North Carolina in 1987, Ivan, a Darwin Award winning parachutist with over 800 jumps, decided to start video taping a private lesson. He attached a video camera to his helmet so that it would capture the entire day of instruction. The supporting power supply and recorder were in a heavy satchel he slung on his back.

When they reached the jump site, Ivan jumped from the back of the plane and filmed the student and instructor jumping from the front of the plane. A few heartbeats later, tape still running, Ivan realized that he had been so focused on his new filmmaking process that he had forgotten to strap on his own parachute.

An FAA spokesman said that he may have mistaken the weight of the video equipment strapped to his back for a parachute.

In the footage salvaged from the camera and spliced together, the student and instructor are shown in free fall before they pull their ripcords and recede rapidly from view. Then the cameraman's hand reaches for his own ripcord.

When Ivan realizes he has no ripcord, therefore no chute, his hands are seen flailing about wildly and the camera pans down toward the approaching earth. Film from the final few seconds of the plunge were destroyed on impact.

The moral of the story is: You don't need a parachute to be able to skydive. You only need a parachute if you intend to skydive more than once.

Okay... I made that up. The real lesson is: If you're going to make changes to things that are familiar, don't forget about the things that are important.

posted by Dash | 3:03 PM | |

First let me declare that I love Florida. Well, let me rephrase that. I love Florida beaches. Oh... and their golf courses. Other than that, I have to admit I don't have a lot of first hand knowledge of the sunny state.

We all remember the whole "hanging chad" fiasco in the first Dubya election, and we know they have a lot of hurricanes, seminoles and gators down there. But, have you ever really taken the time to learn more about this place?

Apparently, there have been not one or two, but three books titled "Weird Florida." This article caught my eye this morning because it explains a lot.

Here are some examples of some of the things that have happened in the state lately.


A man suspected of burglarizing a massage therapy business was arrested after he returned to the scene looking for his missing wallet. Two thieves stole an employee's car at a Pensacola-area gas station, then returned an hour later to fill up. They were arrested.

Another man didn't think through a scheme to end his marriage. He showed his wife a Utah man's wallet and said it was a hitchhiker he picked up and murdered. After a massive search for the body, police learned that the billfold's owner was fine and the suspect confessed he made up the story to get his wife to leave him.

Now here's a tip for parents: If you ask your teenage son to help you steal a dishwasher and stove from the house next door, don't be surprised if he calls the police the next time you get in an argument. That happened in Palm Beach County.

Three teenagers were charged with kidnapping a 15-year-old boy and demanding that a $50 ransom be dropped off at a Fort Myers Taco Bell.

And while it may not have been criminal, a high school TV journalist in Estero was suspended for deviating from his script. After reporting that the girls' soccer team kicked some booty, he added, "I love booty."

It was booty that caused Tampa area officials to stop construction on a school for emotionally disturbed students. After thinking about it, they decided the site wasn't such a good one, given the adult book stores and strip clubs that surrounded it.

A homeless man obsessed with tennis star Anna Kournikova swam naked across Biscayne Bay in search of her home and got caught in the buff at her neighbor's pool. As police arrested him, he screamed, "Anna! Save me!"

A drunk prosecutor thought it would be funny to streak across a parking lot and hop into a friend's car. The problem was he jumped naked into the wrong car and was arrested.

In Tampa, a 40-foot motor home was converted into a strip club, offering alcohol and lap dances outside Tampa Bay Buccaneers games.

In another story involving alcohol, sex and football, two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after one punched another woman in a Tampa nightclub's bathroom. Other customers said the women were having sex in a stall, which the cheerleaders denied.

Alcohol was at the root of a Jacksonville Halloween night arrest. A partygoer in a Belligerent Drunk Man costume consisting of a blue sweat suit, a belt made out of beer can pop tops and a Superman-style "BDM" emblem on this chest got a few laughs until he actually became a belligerent drunk man and started a fight with the Green Hornet.

Among 2005's most unusual drug arrests: Police checking to make sure no one was hurt after a tornado ripped the roof off a Palm Bay home said they found 54 marijuana plants growing in a bedroom, 750 pounds of cocaine were hidden in fake plantains being shipped to Miami and a man left a half-gram of marijuana as a tip at a Jacksonville Starbucks and was arrested when he returned the next day.

And how can the state cut down on crime? One Jacksonville church called for a citywide ban on low-hanging pants and gold-capped teeth.

In other church news, a pastor called police to remove 16 congregants who refused to stop singing as he tried to begin his sermon.

In Broward County, an officer pulled over a doctor speeding to the hospital to deliver a baby and quipped, "What are you delivering, pizza?" and "If you're a doctor, I'm Mickey Mouse." The doubting officer took the doctor to the hospital in handcuffs, where a waiting woman was giving birth.

A real pizza delivery man in the Tampa area was shot in the leg during a robbery attempt -- and then delivered four other pies before seeking treatment.

And in a rather unusual Tampa area traffic stop, a practical joker put a blue-and-red flashing light on a car dashboard. He stopped laughing, though, after two men he pulled over turned out to be undercover officers. The said they found 7 grams of cocaine alongside the flashing light.

Also in the Tampa area, a man apparently became enraged by a Bush-Cheney sticker on an SUV and chased a woman for miles, displaying an anti-Bush sign and allegedly trying to run her off the road.

Politicians were not immune from their share of embarrassing moments.

Love, not rage, was on the mind of state Sen. Gary Siplin when a television news reporter asked the Orlando Democrat about a questionable transfer in his campaign account. A smiling Siplin hugged the reporter and said "I love you" three dozen times.

The vice mayor of Eagle Lake wanted to pass a rule banning spitting at City Council meetings after accusing a former city manager of doing just that. The former official denied having spit and said the proposed rule was "the most asinine and juvenile thing I have heard."

An Orlando-area high school chemistry teacher was arrested after students said the teacher gave a lesson on bomb building. In other school news, St. Petersburg police officers handcuffed an unruly 5-year-old girl after she acted up in her kindergarten class.

As I said, this kind of explains a lot... like for example... Velociman.

posted by Dash | 6:42 AM | |